Remains To Be Seen

A Letter To My....My....

Anne
I figured it out. I was going to write to Gilbert how I felt. Much easier to put it to paper than to say it in person. But as the paper stayed blank I still couldn't form the words. Even with my vast oceans of vocabularies and waves of possibilities. I was at a standstill. I was thinking far back into my mind and heart. Like waves receding from the shore. Then it hit just like a tsunami. My hand couldn't write fast enough for my mind. And I tipped my ink spilling it onto the paper. I dropped my pen and raised my hands. Tears came flushing out my eyes. I couldn't stop them.
"Anne?" A voice spoke by my door.
I looked over seeing Gilbert. Oh god I was a mess. I wiped my face quickly and tears still tumbled out escaping the confines of my eyes.
"Gilbert I..."
"Anne we're late for school," he said.
"I can't..."
"Can't what?"
"Umm I need the day."
"I'll stay with you."
"Gil I.."
"Marilla and Matthew just left for town to the grocers."
"Marilla will surely kill me for missing school."
"Anne."
"And making you miss school. I'd be a monster for impeding your studies."
"Anne!"
The raise of his voice quieted me. In fear but more so in attention. His eyes were worried with concern. He hadn't seen my letter addressed to him. It had his name at the top. He looked at my desk. I went to grab the paper and rip it to shreds but he got a hold of it.
"What were you writing to me?" he asked.
"I-"
"If it was a goodbye I'd never forgive you."
"Not even close," I breathed lightly.
"Then what was it."
"I uhh... I can't exactly put it to words."
"Did you lose them all at last week's spelling bee?"
I laughed. He smiled, glad to see a smile on my sad face. My tears were nearly dried. My eyes stopped watering but tears still littered my cheeks. He lifted his hand to my cheek brushing away the few remaining tears.
"I couldn't put it into words because I don't have the words to explain," I said honestly.
"What does that mean?"
I remembered what Mary had told me. Follow my heart. Listen to what it's saying. Speak the truth and only the truth. Especially with the one you love. Love. Was he the one I felt like that towards. Was Gilbert the one I loved?
I remember Dianna's Aunt Josephine and Mary had told me some tips on confronting and realizing how I felt. I had spoken to them both about Gilbert. I remember their words about love. Strong and passionate. They resonated with me in ways I could never explain. They truly exposed their own truths and their views. And I'd never respected them more.

Mary said:

"If you love someone, you better tell them, no matter the circumstance, no matter how much it will hurt you or them or all the people around you. You tell them and you tell them loud. You'll regret it if you don't say it."

Aunt Josephine told me that love is when your words go missing and your mind is silent and at peace.
Josephine was talking about Gertrude. Her one true love whom had passed a year ago. Her truest friend and purest love.

Josephine Berry told me:

"if I thought he was my truest friend and I had an extended feeling for him I should say it. Say how I feel no matter how hard it was."

And this, this was hard.

He was my truest friend. I knew that because he was always the one beside me. He defended me. Pushed me to be better. He has seen me in grief in anger and in happiness. He has given me the gift of joy and the pain of heartbreak. But my heart still beats for him. And I only hope his beats for mine.
I adjusted myself to sit criss crossed and pulled Gilbert to my bed to do the same. He dropped the paper looking to me for answers. For words to spill from my lips. Gush out in an abundance of vocabulary that makes no sense.
I was ready.
It was time to tell him how I felt for real.

Are you very surprised that he beat me to the punch of it.

A/N: Double Update cause I'm feeling generous ;)