Remains To Be Seen

Walking By My Lonesome

Anne
What used to excite me about school was the adventure there. The walk. But now I even dreaded that. The loneliness was the hardest part. It was like the first days of school all over again. No one was my friend. Not even Diana. She had this need to have more than one true friend. Diana was my one true friend. The one person who didn't change was Ruby. She met me in the woods in the morning and walked with me. She sat beside me in class and spoke to me during lunch. Something I never thought Ruby would do. Class ended and everyone started to clean up the schoolhouse. It was the last day of the week and the carnival was tomorrow.
         "Are you excited for the spring carnival tomorrow?" Ruby asked giddily.
         "I am. Marilla is having me put in my cake for the competition. I know it's going to be horrendous but all the well I have the chance to share my baking tretchories," I giggled.
        "Oh it's going to be so wonderful I just know it Anne. We can all finally hang out outside of school."
         "Diana won't."
         "She will. I already made her promise to spend time with us. So yes Diana will."
        "Thank you Ruby," I smiled. "I actually have to head home and start baking for the carnival."
         "I'll see you tomorrow Anne!" Ruby squealed rushing out the door towards her rebuilt home.
I made my way to my coat and hat when I heard whispering. It was about me. And then a tap on my shoulder. It was Diana of all the girls.
        "Have you heard?" Diana asked.
        "What's the newest gossip Diana?" I groaned.
        "You didn't hear that Gilbert has a dame from Charlottetown he's bring to the Avonlea spring carnival?"
       "No I didn't. Because rumors are fibs. And gossip is a bad thing.  I must go home Diana, as should you."
The night was restless a so though over what they had said. Did Gilbert already find a suitable wife in a week. Was I that horrible to him. That evil and conniving. My heart broke over and over. But I finally put it to words. Put how I felt towards Gilbert. I wrote it in a letter. It was front and back and I was going to give it to him. But I can't compromise what may be an amazing future for him. So it sat on my desk. It awaited to be opened. But I doubt it ever would be. Gilbert's future is more important than an adolescent confession of feelings. He may never even know it was more than just feelings. It was love. It had to be. Because my love for everyone else was a familial love. Gilbert's, my love for him was consuming. I've been living each passing day of his absence through the memories we shared. And it was my lifeline. He was my lifeline. And I couldn't convince myself of anyone else otherwise. Even Charlie Sloane who had shown previous interest in myself. I couldn't convince myself that anyone else would love me the way Gilbert does.
I got dressed as the sun was barely risen. I pushed my desk back against the wall. I had pulled it to the bed for myself to write last night. I pulled half my hair back in a braid and let my long curls fall against my arms. I'd never imagined my hair to be so long and curly. A burnt auburn showing as each day passed instead of the holiday red that was dreadful year round.
I wore my good dress. If it was the last day I was to see Gilbert I wanted him to remember it. I wore my green dress. One of few gifts from Jeannie. One I've treasured for the last year. Finally I got the chance to wear it. I pulled on my white stocking and shoved my brown boots on. I pressed my dress down and tied my pinafore.
I was not ready to face Gilbert Blythe. But I had to pretend to be. To watch him fall in love with another woman. Possibly. And I sure hope the rumor is just a rumor.
Marilla has me carry the cake and turn it in for the competition right as we got there. And by the time I finished Diana and the Berry's were arriving. Ruby then rushed from right behind her. She grabbed Diana's hand and they both ran straight for me. Diana was hesitant to go for a hug. But I pulled her to one.
       "I'm sorry I'm so difficult to speak to Diana," I whispered to her.
       "It's okay," she replied pulling away. "What should we do first?"
       "Ooh I want to go to the ring toss!" Ruby said happily.
       "Let's go then!" I smiled.
We all skipped that way and played a round of ring toss. They got carried away with knocking milk bottles down afterward. But something caught my eye, I saw a psychic. Maybe she could tell me if Gilbert is truly the one.
I sat across from her with the crystal ball in front of us. I stared at it waiting for her to tell me my fortune. My future.
       "Ooh my," she began.
       "What! What is it you see?" I begged.
       "You fancy a boy. That'll be 3 coppers."
       "That's it? There's got to be more. What does this boy look like?"
        "Ooh. I see it now. He is tall, dark, handsome," she winked at me. "Curly hair and is a very good dancer."
        "He's a good dancer," I gasped.
       "Yes," she said lowly with a grin.
       "You've made my day miss!" I squealed dropping the three coins running out to find Diana and Ruby.
Ruby was nowhere to be seen but I only found Diana. I had to tell someone. I was bursting with excitement. I started to speak really fast. I realized my love for Gilbert and told Diana. I would tell the world if I could.
       "It has to be Gilbert. He's the one. Gilbert is-"
       "Gil-Gilbert," Diana stuttered looking straight behind me.
       "What is-"
And then I saw. The rumors were true. My breath fell silent and my words vanished. I couldn't comprehend a single thought. I couldn't believe my very eyes. The boy I had finally felt for, with another girl. Not a girl. A woman. A beautiful woman. I dare not compare to her beauty. She had beautiful golden locks and a figure like an hourglass.
       "I..."
Diana pressed her hand to my arm squeezing lightly.
       "I'm so sorry Anne."
       "No need. He was not even mine."

Not even close.