Remains To Be Seen

I Don't Deserve You Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, No One Does

Anne
I was excited for him. But my selfishness kicked in. I hate when it does. I couldn't help it. If he goes to U of T, what does that mean for us. He had gotten into the Queens Academy anyways. He had options. But maybe that was it. He had options, and it made things harder. What was the right thing for him. For us. It was a full ride, you can't give that up. He can't.
I stepped quietly around the Berry home. I found the library where he resided at the window. The sun was setting. The last of its rays shining across his dark frame. The light bounced off his curls making them look lighter. A golden hue to the remaining light as it set slowly. He gazed out the window in thought. I stepped in with the acceptance letter in my hands still.
"Gilbert?" I said softly.
He flinched and turned to look over his shoulder. An exhale leaving his lungs as he saw it was me. He glanced back to the scene beyond the window for a moment before turning his body towards mine.
"I won't go," he said clearly in distraught.
"No, you're going. U of T is an amazing school," I said.
"I can attend the Queens Academy."
"Gilbert," I said with a full heart.
I went to him taking his hands in mine. He had to understand that it was okay. I would be okay.
"You have to go. It's a full ride and you can't give up this opportunity."
"There will be others."
"Not a full ride Blythe," I reasoned.
"Anne we talked about this kind of situation."
I nodded and remembered our talk in the garden. After we had our moment. We talked about how we didn't want to be distanced again. And the moment arises where we may break that agreement. A promise. He promised to tell me next time. If he ever does leave again. Drafted or not. Though he promised he wouldn't ever leave me again. And I already knew he was going to have to break it. The minute he made it into U of T, he had to.
"I promised you," he bowed his head in defeat.
"Promises are meant to be broken," I hummed lifting my hand to stroke his cheek.
"They are made to be kept," he tried to fight.
"So are rules," I silenced him.
The initial shock of the idea of Gilbert leaving again broke my heart. It makes it ache. But I know it's not broken. It was broken when he dissipated into thin air without a word. I knew he felt the same and wanted to be with me, but he had to go. He couldn't lose such an opportunity for me. For anything or anyone. This was his future, his life.
"Diana is always upset with me for putting everyone first beside myself, and nags me that I won't let you make me a priority. But what Diana doesn't understand is the sacrifices we must make."
"I'm willing to sacri-"
"No. You aren't sacrificing your scholarship for a tragical romance," I cut him off.
"Why not?"
"I am Gertrude and you are Jo," I said remembering what Josephine told me about her and Gertrudes love.
"What in the world does that mean?" He smiled.
"Love runs deeper than the surface, we put our love into words and send them ever so often. I'll write to you," I said.
"But Anne-"
"I will write to you, and you to me. Visit when we have the chance, spend Christmases and Thanksgivings together. And one day, we will make the small trips forever," I said.
"I don't deserve you Anne Shirley-Cuthbert," he said.
"So you'll go to U of T?" I asked.
He just nodded and pulled me to him. I relaxed in his warm embrace. We stayed there for a moment. I don't know about him, but I reminisced over the first time we met.
I remember meeting him in the woods. He talked Billy off and helped me from the ground. He picked up my books and slate handing them to me. I knew in that moment he was different. I'd expected all the boys to be and act exactly as Billy had in the forest. Since that day, Gilbert's name always lingered in the back of my mind. His eyes always on me. The need to talk to him so desperately but not being able to for the longest time was horrendous. I think the most memorable part of that day was hitting my slate against his cheek.
"The schoolhouse fire?" I spoke still close to him.
"Mmhmm?"
"You were there weren't you?" I asked.
"I was," he airily answered. "What has you thinking about it?"
"I was remembering the first day we met," I laughed trying to push a stray strand of hair from my eye.
Gilbert touched my hand and moved the piece for me.
"I remember that day vividly," he looked deep into my eyes.
"And we will never forget it. You have a permanent imprint of my old slate upon your cheek."
Gilbert stayed quiet. It was just us. The library filled with literature I'd love to read. Right beside the boy I had foolishly fell in love with. I looked out the window watching as the snow began to fall. I smiled lightly. The softness of the snowflakes reminded me of more memories I've had with Gilbert. I'm not sure if it was making me happier or sadder thinking of them. But I kept doing so.
"You know, everyday I dreamt a different memory of you. I kept thinking of it until it turned out exactly as I'd remembered it. And that was how I made it back," Gilbert admitted to me.
I pulled myself closer to him. If he must go, I need to remember the good. All the good we had. Have.
I heard a record spinning. The buzzing of the moments before the song. The melody floated through the doorway. I smiled knowing Cole put it on. Just like it came naturally Gilbert and I began to sway to the music. Hints of laughter between uncoordinated steps.
"I promise to the, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, that I will write to you in all my passing and visit often when the time arises," Gilbert pledged as we swayed to the music.
I blushed profusely at the deceleration he had made. He had to break a promise so he made a new one. The next few days felt near a dream. But it was a week later when preparing for Queens Academy that a dream really turned into a strange reality.

A/N: a little inspiration from @acampbell32 💕 that quote about thinking different memories all her. A dedicated reader and true kindred spirit. This ones for you