My maybe-not-so-horrible-anymore-right-now life.
I attempted to add as many tags as I could when I tried to think about details of myself I wanted to mention. I'll keep it as clean as possible and only mention the more...triggering content only as a...
After two days of severe dissociation, I was scrolling through Facebook and You Can Make a Change from Steven Universe the Movie came on and broke me out of it.
My brother, who used to aid in mentally/emotionally abusing me, (often physically as well, since our mom always said I instigated it when more often than not he'd just randomly punch me or something) paid for the tattoo.
The song is Steven singing to another character, Spinel, about how he understands her trauma and anger, and then he continues to say that instead of holding it and creating so much toxicity for herself, she can use her experiences to make a good change in the world and herself.
The gems resemble Steven's mother and how she overcame oppression within her family, as well as Steven's personal struggles to break out of trying to live up to her.
The butterflies are another symbol in the show/movie, but the particular episode I pulled them from used them to represent emotional distress and how to overcome it. I chose teal and dark blue for childhood abuse and cptsd.
Steven has a really low moment just before the musical number which Spinel rubs in his face. She asks him how someone so powerful started off so low, and then he suddenly realized; "I changed. "
He overcame trying to live up to expectations and grew to be his own person despite the things he had to fight through and experience, and then tried his best to help Spinel.
By the end of the piece, she does in fact break down and realize how toxic her anger was. Steven made sure that she realized her anger was valid, but also way more intense than it had to be.
I have changed. I went from purposely suppressing myself, from hating myself for trying to figure out who I was under the surface and then making that hatred worse when I knew I couldn't do that without showing something on the surface, to being proud and confident in who I am.
That little kid who was forced to cope in a really toxic way chose to live through it so that I could be free.
That little kid stopped anguishing over not being able to figure out who they were and put their faith in the future.
I hope that I'm making that little kid proud. I am their future.
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