Living the Non-Binary Life

36.) What's Up??

Hello!!

I'm sorry that it's been so long since I last updated this!!

An entire year 😅😅 so much has happened!!

First, my spine has healed (mostly) and I can run fine. It sucked not being able to do cross country, and I spent about a month in a wheelchair because I'm a dummy, but I'm mostly okay now!! It still hurts sometimes, but that's all that's left of the injury.

I also went no contact with my toxic family finally!!

First I accepted the negative feelings that I have toward them (went for a run to get all the guilt out) and then I made a post on Facebook. Basically I said that I resent what they did to me, and they proved to me that going no contact was necessary in the comment section. I let my dad know about my decision, and as far as I know he supports it. I don't want him to go no contact if he still talks with them, but I asked him to keep my business away from them all. Thankfully, he's the type of person to respect that.

I also started HRT!! Idk if I ever made a chapter about that, but it's amazing!!

My voice has gotten deeper, and I was afraid that I'd have more aggressive episodes, but I actually have had less of them. I also have a connection with my emotions that I've never had before. Oddly, I'm capable of crying about things now. Who knew testosterone could do that?? I've also noticed that although I'm pretty inactive, my muscles are more defined. They're not toned at all really, they're just more...distinct.

I also have raging acne, but at the same time I've never felt so confident about my looks.

My partner and I are doing great. We roleplay a lot, and ne's amazing when it comes to helping me through stuff. It's so nice to finally know what a healthy relationship feels like. For some reason, I really want to tell my aunt about nim. She's offered the way she sees my past relationships and has been right about them, so I'm really curious to see what she thinks about this one. I really just want to tell her that I've found The One. I can't wait for them to meet in person some day.

I've also been listening to a lot of Set it Off and Panic! at the Disco, and watching Thomas Sanders and Sanders Sides.

Oh!! I also finally watched Avatar: the Last Airbender and Legend of Korra, and I highly reccomended!! Although I have to give you a strong feels warning for Legend of Korra. It gets into some pretty intense stuff. I've never cried about a movie or show before I watched Legend of Korra. It was just too d@mn relatable.

On the subject of strong feels, since the quarantine, I've been getting through a lot of childhood tr@uma. I'm nowhere near putting a dent into it, but every day feels like more things come up; memories, feelings, realizations, discoveries. I'll get into that more in future chapters, though. Most likely. Probably.

I've also accepted the way that I am with my own emotions. I repress them without trying to, and they have a habit of randomly popping up. I even experience something like a second wave of emotion at times. I'll feel something initially, but then it vanishes really quickly. Later on though, it'll pop back up. If it's a good emotion, there's usually a memory of why it happened, which is really nice. But if it's bad emotions, I'm mostly left to figure out the cause on my own. That kinda sucks. But I've been working on how to constructively get through it all.

Executive dysfunction has been kicking my butt too. I have a couple classes that I haven't done any work in. And I don't know how to start!! I just dread the monumental amount of focus and energy needed to address the assignments. But I've been working on steps to combat it, like developing consistent times for stuff and taking constant breaks. They should be a bit less constant, though 😅😅

Sadly, during all this, my grandmere also got diagnosed with c@ncer. She's started radiation, but she doesn't want to start chemo because her hip is really bad, and she doesn't want it to break throughout the process.

Well, that's all I can think of so far.

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Be true, stay you ❤❤

~Day Dreamer~