ᎪNᏩᎬᏞ ᏆN ᎠᎬᏚᏩᏌᏆᏚᎬ (ᴄᴀsᴛɪᴇʟ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ )

« ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ - ᴛᴇɴ »

The last thing Castiel remembers about Y/N happened to be her outfit, her favorite one to be exact. The one that she used to wear every week like he had when he had his favorite flannel. Her favorite black ripped jeans, and band t-shirt... No one except Castiel knew how much of a fangirl she could be, hell the posters hidden in her closet proved this fact. 

She had been with Azazel leaned up against the lockers giggling at something he had just said. Castiel hadn't gotten to see her on graduation the day after, however, he did get to see her face then... One last time. 

Y/N was happy with him, and the raven-haired man couldn't blame her for it. He had been the one holding her back, he had been the one dragging her down. He had been the one causing her pain all those years, causing her nothing except trouble. Castiel had been the one doing it all and he couldn't help but to feel guilty. 

All along he thought that he was causing her happiness and sunshine as she had done to him... However, he has caused her nothing except pain and that had been something that he couldn't change. Alas, he couldn't change his true self even if he tried and that was the worst part of it all.

The raven-haired man knew he wouldn't be able to sleep that night, and even if he was exhausted there seemed no way to cease him from staying awake. He didn't know why he even bothered at one in the morning to stop and get a hotel room yet he did. Maybe it had something to do with knowing that his father would have wanted him too, he didn't quite know yet. 

"Oh what the hell," He murmured lazily turning over onto his other side once again... However this time it hadn't been out of the inability to fall asleep yet his phone ringing beside him. 

"Where the fuck are you? I took mom home this morning and you're not here!" Gabriel exclaimed into the phone not even waiting for Castiel to even say hello. 

"I left... I had to go and get something- Yes I left something at my dorm and I-" 

"We're trying not to leave mom alone, she's on the verge of a mental break down and you just leave without telling us?" Gabriel questioned his voice holding the disappointment his brother knew he must've been feeling. 

"Look I'll be back by Thursday goodbye-" Castiel quickly hung up the phone knowing how much trouble he was going to be in once he got home by both of his brothers alas the tears stang his eyes thus he began to rethink his decision of leaving... Maybe it hadn't been so wise after all. 

However, the blue-eyed man came to the conclusion that today was Monday which gave him plenty of time to get back in time for the funeral... For everything and he wouldn't stop until he was. 
Sweat formed across Castiel's forehead, thus he drove through state after state after state... Becoming closer and closer to his former best friend. To the woman that he longed to see, to the woman that he hadn't seen in years. 

He cringed at the thought of Azazel actually being a changed man... Castiel knew that Azazel was the one giving Y/N all those bruises after all why the hell would she stay with someone like him for so long? Though the raven-haired man never did get the chance to do anything about it, thus in the back of his mind he knew... He knew that maybe Azazel just happened to be better than him all along. 

Simply at the thought of how much happier she looked wit him made the trench-coated man sick to his stomach. Although Castiel had never done anything to sabotage their relationships or hurt Y/N he couldn't help yet to thank himself for letting her be happy. Alas, in the end, that was all he wanted. 

She had been his everything, his world for a long time, and to watch someone else take that from him hurt a lot... Sure it did, however, he knew that it was meant to be. Just like him finding her right now was fate. 

Although what hurt Castiel, even more, had been looking back upon these memories and realizing that all the times he had spent with her were over... He would never ever be able to get them back nonetheless go back. Her mother never even seemed to like him, sometimes he thought that maybe she had an influence on his daughter. 

However, whatever the reason may be for Y/N not to be friends with him anymore Castiel knew that it had to have been his fault... As there seemed to be no other explanation for her one day changing into someone she wasn't. 

Someone who didn't want to be his friend.

He had never met her father either, hell she didn't meet her real father until the sophomore year. Thus leading to even more difficulties as Y/N didn't really know how to cope without a father- She simply never had one. She would always talk to Castiel about anything and everything going on yet that just didn't seem enough. 

Sometimes Castiel likes to think that all along Y/N had been driven to be popular and she just didn't know it until freshman year. After all in middle school and elementary school, their friendship seemed unbreakable and stronger than everything. They were inseparable back then, and Y/N would risk her ass for her blue-eyed best friend and same with him. 

However, Y/N risked her ass for Castiel less and less in high school, and then one day decided to stop. Realizing that maybe she shouldn't risk her reputation or even getting beat p for him. That her cause wasn't worth it... That he wasn't worth it. 

There seemed to be so many scenarios Castiel couldn't think straight. He had no idea what one to believe and or what one was true thus leading to his nervousness. He wanted nothing more than for Y/N to explain herself- Clear things up. However, things didn't seem to be going his way lately so he doubted that this would either. 

Y/N would be able to tell him everything, confess what the hell was going on... Tell the raven-haired man why he wasn't good enough, why he no longer deserved her as a friend. Maybe he would finally find out why Azazel was better than him, and find out things that he would have never known. 

Sure he wanted to know everything... He wanted to know the truth. Although at the same time he knew that the truth hurts, and it would definitely hurt him.. And maybe not just a little. He wanted to know so desperately yet at the same time he had been preparing himself for the worst thus the reason why he keeps coming up with all of these crazy scenarios. 

Ten hours and many stops later Castiel had made it to the address of Y/N's home... The address from the letter attached to the flowers, the flowers in which had been sitting in his passenger seat the whole ride. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt, fixing his hair in the mirror... Something the trench-coated man does when he's nervous.

Castiel didn't want to walk up the front steps, and knock on the door... And yet somehow he had. His finger coming in contact with the doorbell, thus he could hear footsteps coming toward the door.