I lost Angeles

Epilogue

I stood outside, trying to stop the tears from leaking out of my eyelids. Gang leaders don't cry. No matter the circumstance. No matter the shitty fucked-up unfair circumstances.

It was a shitty day. The sun was hiding behind grey clouds and it seemed like the air was trying to suffocate everyone. She would have hated this day. Hated the fact that the sun wasn't shining. Hating the fact that attention was on her. She hated attention from a lot of people. She liked to stay part of a crowd. Although she would always, ALWAYS stand out.

"Angeles" Cole coughed behind me, indicating that it was time to go inside.

"Coming" I grumbled, sinking my hands into my pockets. Hide them shaking. Hide the pain.

The church is full. Fuller than I would have imagined. Every pew is filled with people holding tissues, people clutching each other in order to not drown in their own tears. I ignore their stares as I make my way to my own seat. I know it's my fault.

And it sickens me. A few seats in front I can see Serena sitting, her shoulders shaking. She had screamed at me. Hit me over and over again until Jackson had intervened. He is sitting with her now, stopping her from not killing me. I wish he would actually unleash her on me. His arms are around her, his hand rubbing soothing circles on her back. In the front pew is her parents.

It had been a good idea of her mom to want me away from her. If only she had listened.

I watched as the pastor walked to the middle of the church, standing next to the picture of Angel.

They had picked the wrong picture. She looked too... unreal to be gone. The picture had obviously been chosen by her parents. She was wearing pearls and looked like the girl before she had met me. Maybe that's a good thing they had picked that picture.

Before she had been placed in danger.

The pastor coughed before starting the ceremony. He talked about second chances – the irony evident. If anyone deserved a second chance it would have been Angel. A part of me wished I would have never climbed into that elevator but I had been drawn to her on that day.

Running into the lobby I had not planned to use the elevator. I had planned to hide somewhere but then I had seen her. She had looked so beautiful climbing into that lift. Slightly hesitant with those gorgeous wings. Before I knew what happened, I was in there with her.

And now, now she was no longer in that elevator. Sniffles could be heard all around me and then the speeches started. The first to speak was her mom. I didn't know who spoke after her. I had to leave.

My heart was broken. The unimaginable had happened and it made bile rise in my throat. I stumbled out of the church, rushing towards my car. Everything held a memory of her. It clung to me like cellophane and I felt an overwhelming sense of wanting to end it all. I sped up the car, the fucking tears escaping my eyes.

I was a strong person. I was... except when it came to her. The car was barely at a halt before I was out of it, running up the stairs. Everything around me had spots around it and I let out a scream. A scream so loud it could break mirrors.

Where was she!? Where the fuck was she!? The blood. So much blood that created that disgusting pool. It had sunk into my clothes as I had knelt down next to her, trying to find a way to stop it from coming.

"Please Angel. You can't...please" I had been sobbing, my breath a wreck. She had just looked at me, her eyes fading as her hand slowly lifted, her fingers enveloping my own.

"Please" I had whispered, barely able to breath. In response her eyes had closed, her chest falling one last time. I had screamed then as well. Screamed as I did now. My lungs were on fire but it was all I could do. All I could do to stop the pain.