If I don't want to - S.M.

4 | The Day

Shawn

I rummage my pocket, trying to find the key to the house. I'm exhausted and I couldn't wait to lay on the bed.

I'm KO-ed by Brian for 56-30 points on basketball. Ugh. How I always wish I mastered that sport, but I've never passed through Brian's points. Except when he's dead sick from diarrhoea.

That day was the sports day where we compete with other classes to win the annual trophy, and he knew that his crush would be there watching him play. Unfortunately, he passed out after throwing his 3 points shoot. He shot it in though, successfully. He got a lot of girls wrapped around his finger after that event.

I found my keys on the front pocket of my bag and I opened the door. Why am I being so old-school and don't use code instead of keys? Nah, my fans are extraordinarily genius that they will crack the code to my apartment, and that's not a good thing to my private life. But, they're lovely though. And as I said before, they're extremely genius just like Sherlock Holmes.

I entered the house, took off my shoes, and switched some lights on. I placed my bag on the kitchen aisle and opened the fridge to find the cold water bottle.

Suddenly, I felt a familiar smell filled up the room. Fuji green tea cologne. Yes, I couldn't be mistaken. It's the nerve-calming smell that I got to breathe on every time I got back from tiring days, weeks or even months of work and tour. But, I didn't get to smell this after she was diagnosed with cancer. All my nose can remember after that were the horrifying smell of hospital and medicines.

Wait. Why am I smelling this thing then? Don't tell me I develop hallucination now. I shake my head, getting rid of my crazy thoughts. I gulped down the cold water and put it back into the fridge. I grabbed my bag and headed to my bedroom.

I tried to deny the smell. But the more I stepped closer to my room, the stronger the smell got into my respiration system. My head strived to look for rational reasons. Maybe Mom accidentally used her perfume that I bought when I missed her to refresh my room. Yes, I'm sure of it. What a good choice of fragrance though.

I turned the doorknob and push the door open. I head straight to the desk across the room and I placed my bag on the chair. Wait. Did I see something? No. Yes. I couldn't be mistaken. I saw someone's on my bed.

I got no nerve to turn my head. That couldn't be my mom. She would never sleep on my bed when I'm not home. Is that one of my fully-dedicated fans? Or is it a burglar? My heart started to race. And bullets of sweat escaped my side forehead. I grabbed my guitar's neck, ready to smash it if anything bad happens. Thank God it is not the John Mayer precious gift guitar.

I gathered the courage to turn my body facing the bed. I turned around and I opened my eyes. My guitar was held high by my side.

No.

This is not real.

I can't believe what I'm seeing.

Ariel, tucked under the duvet, stretching her arms wide with her eyes closed. She then rubbed her right eyelid with her small knuckle.

The fuck, Shawn.

This is not a good time to have hallucination. I mentally slapped myself. My hand hadn't loosened the grip on my guitar.

"OH, HI SHAWN!" She jumped out of bed with a panic face.

I backed off and bumped to the hanging shelf above my desk. Things started falling on the desk and on my head, which didn't make the situation any better. Maybe it was aimed to wake me up.

"I'm sorry, it didn't mean to be like this, our first meeting," She scratched back of her head and her voice squeaked as she's feeling a bit anxious.

Great. Now she can talk. I'm getting really crazy.

"Shawn, it's me, Ariel," she waved her palm in front of my face and snapped a couple of times. "Shawnnn," she kept calling me until my dropped-jaw closed, and I answered her.

"A- Ariel?" My voice cracked as I couldn't believe what I saw in front of me.

She's standing there beautifully in her white gown. Her slight curly hair fell down to her shoulders.

"Yes, it's me, Shawn," her lips curved the most beautiful smile I've been missing.

"Ariel, like Ariel's ghost?" I mentally slapped myself for the second time. My tongue always slips stupid questions whenever I'm in an unusual situation.

"Yes, thanks, Shawn. You don't have to explain it bluntly," she groaned and then a chuckle slipped out her small mouth, "But, yes," she took a deep breath, "I'm Ariel the ghost." Then the sweet smile reappeared on her face.

"This is crazy," I turned around and ruffled my hair with both my palm, expecting she might be gone when I turn back my body. Life would be so much harder if I develop this kind of hallucination now. I- I couldn't bear to see her knowing that we'd never ended together. But I turned around, and she's still there.

"Am- am I crazy?" I rubbed my eyes once again to see clearly what is in front of me.

But, she cut me and moved closer to me. She bent her knees, trying to get my attention through little holes my palms making under my nose, "No, you're not crazy, Shawn. This is me," her smile started to fade.

"Oh my god, you are real," I finally trusted what's happening in front of me, "I miss you so bad, Ariel, I miss you so bad," I hugged her immediately. But, I couldn't feel anything but cold air ran down my spine.

"I'm sorry, Shawn," her voice turned shaky. Tears forming in her eyes, "You can't hug me," she lowered her head, her eyes fixed to the ground, "I'm just a soul without its case. You know, just like other ghosts."

"As long as I can see you, it's fine," I said trying to wash away her sadness, even though it stings my heart to not be able to touch her soft skin anymore. "Where have you been, Ariel? Why didn't you show up to me, like years ago?" I lifted my head and fixed my eyes to hers.

"The dead has rules too, Shawn. You know," she giggled before she stared deeply into my eyes. I miss her so bad.
"Wait, what?" My question broke the silence that lingered quite long before.

"Well, I can explain it to you. All of it. But can we have a seat so that I can catch up with you for what we have missed for this whole three years?" she said her words almost like rap, "Ghost can be tired too, just in case you don't know," she giggled tapping her side thighs with both of her hands.

I nod my head, still trying to connect the dots on my brain. We walked out of the bedroom with her leading my way.

She looked so real, I couldn't even tell if she's only a soul without its case. That made me really want to hold her tiny hand and hug her tight. Just- just if I could.