If I don't want to - S.M.

15 | Won't be that hard

- Chapter 15 -

Ariel

"Hey, honey," Shawn threw his gaze at me for a split second as he locked the studio door in front of him, while his other hand holding the guitar case so it didn't slip his shoulder.

"Hey, the session's finished?" I replied running closer to where he stood.

"Yeah, everyone has left already," a smile appeared on his face as his eyes met mine, "Let's go," he held out his hand and waited for me to grab it.

I entwined our fingers imaginarily, and with it, imagining how warm his big palm was as it covered nearly all of my hand. Shawn took little but quick steps down the stairs with me trying to catch up his pace beside him.

"See you, Cassie," he shouted before we took another set of stairs to the parking lot.

"Oh, you're leaving already? See ya!" Her voice echoed from the lobby.

Luckily the car was parked rather near to the entrance door and the building only has a one-floor parking lot. Shawn and I were never good at memorising where we parked. I don't know how many hours of our lives spent solely to find where the hell did we left the car.

Shawn clicked the remote key and the yellow lights flashed twice. He turned on the engine as soon as we entered the car before he laid back to catch a breath. I reached the aircon knob, switched it on, and adjusted the flap towards my body. I shifted my body trying to find a comfortable position before I let my back embraced by the car seat. "You don't want to grab some food on the way home? You haven't had your lunch," I said as I watched Shawn sitting with his eyes closed behind the steering wheel.

He looked exhausted. The dark circles under his eyes that were usually covered by concealer were showing. Small dots of hair were growing above his lips and around his chin after three razor-free days. You could spot lines are making its way out around his inner cheek. He always shows his best side on-screen, but I guess it drains a big part of his energy off-screen, and that made my heart clenched times to times. That's why I'm so relieved that he could have some time off in days like this, even though he'd never waste a second to not write new songs. I believe even in times like this, a glimpse of lyrics ideas or melody is running around his head.

"Let's go back and Uber some food home, yeah?" He opened his eyes and exhaled a big deep breath. His eyes blinked a couple of times before his hand reached the seatbelt and clicked it to his side.

"Okay," I answered as I buckled my own belt. I connected my phone to Shawn's car radio and let John Mayer's music play low on the background. The drive was quiet, but it wasn't a tense silence, it was calm and peaceful. Shawn knocked his fingers lightly to the beat, and he threw his gaze out to the window on his side times to times. Driving is one of his healing method and way of taking the burdens off his shoulders. It was quite worrisome to see his job that never let him stop nor slowing down. The anxiety consumed me farther when I knew I'll never be able to be on his side when he needs it. So, I just stared at him right here, right now, enjoying the short time given to me to at least be present once again beside him, making sure I provide the best support I can give him while I'm here.

~

"What do you want to eat, honey?" Shawn asked after popping his head out of a more comfortable cloth he changed into. "Oh yeah, I'm sorry," he scratched the back of his head and a guilty smile curved on his lips.

"That's okay, you'll need time until you really get used to this, even I had to," I replied with a smile, "What are you going to order?"

"The Chinese food a couple blocks from here that we usually dine in. Remember?"