If I don't want to - S.M.

8 | I Am Sorry

Ariel

"One bacon egg cheese and one coffee please," said Shawn to the girl behind the cashier machine who obviously had her jaw dropped on him.

"Okay, one bacon egg cheese...," she couldn't take her eyes off him, "And one coffee, dine in or take away?" her eye balls were going to slide out her bones in no time.

"Dine-," he looked to me hesitated, "in?"

And I nodded.

"Anything else?" She finally looked away to input the bill.

"Oh, without tomatoes please," he smiled to her.

"Sure, special made for you," she grinned a huge smile, mistaken Shawn's daily kind gesture for interest.

"Duh, watch your attitude bitch," I spit the words out.

"Honey..." he faced me and frown his eyebrows.

I raised my eyebrow and glared at him. Suddenly he realized that no one there could see me but him.

"I mean- do you have tea with honey?" He tried to fix the unintended flirting situation.

"I'm sorry but I don't think it's a menu here. But, I can make you one if you want," her right side of lips lifted and she winked to Shawn. Wink.

"Oh, no worries. Thanks, that would be all," Shawn took out his wallet fast, wanting to end the awkward situation he built soon.

We finished the stupid food ordering thing and looked for empty seats enough or two of us. We're lucky that Subway is quite empty this morning. Or, I would have had to stand up while Shawn finishing his breakfast because no one will give a ghost seat.

Jeez Ariel watch yr language pls

He typed on his phone and placed the phone on the table so I could see it.

"Tehee, I'm sorry, Shawn," I pulled my fingers from one side to another side of my lips, impersonating a zip closing on my mouth. "But, don't you how she act around you?" I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, I know right. Handsome man gets that all the time. You've gotten used to that though," he again talked and laughed to what people saw—an empty space.

"Ehm, Shawn, I think you should use your earpiece or fake calling someone," I said seeing people in the room start to look at Shawn with weird faces. "I don't want people think you're a crazy pop star," I giggled but managed to slide am earpiece to his side of table.

"Oh, shit, you're right- God, I need to remember this every time I go out with you," he said, quickly put his earpiece into his right ear.

"Imagine a video titled 'Shawn Mendes seems not mentally well these days' appear on entertainment news," I gasp dramatically and placed my hands on my chest.

"That would be very stupid and Andrew would ask me if I'm okay non-stop till I answer him I'm not," he giggled and his hand run through his hair, making my heart fluttered, "Oh yeah, I've been wanting to ask you this. How can you touch these things? You said you couldn't touch things before."

"They're dead things, so I can touch them because we're on the same level," I smile to him, but he caught the sadness reflected in my eyes.

"I miss you miserably, Ariel," he lowered his head and left the silence hanging between us.

"So do I, Shawn," I held his hand, sending cold shiver to his arm and spine, "But, everything got its own time, you know. And even though ours was short, it was the best thing ever happened in my life and it brings good memory." I said hoping that it would calm him down, even though deep down I know it wouldn't, "It wasn't short though. We've been together like what, 20, 22 years?"

He took a deep breath, holding the tears that started pooling on his eyes, "But, I'm the one who have to live without you, Ariel. For what? 50, 60 years ahead?"

"That's why I'm here, Shawn. To find someone who can replace me-"

"It's not that easy, Ariel. You know that," his voice got raised, loud cry threatened to get out of his throat, "I got no appetite, let's head home," He wrapped the food, collected the used tissue and placed them on the tray, "I need to be in the rehearsal in two hours."

"Shawn," I said, getting no response but being left alone since he already stood up from the chair.

He headed to the exit door, and I followed behind. I could see his arm gestured wiping the tears that made its way out. He held the door opened for the visitors coming in. I passed through the people and flinched a bit because of the electricity it caused.

Shawn was steps ahead, taking fast large steps with his long limbs. I tried my best to catch him. But there I stood, giving up, seeing him disappeared in the distance.

Maybe this was what he felt when I walked away, worsen that he knew he wouldn't see me ever again, no matter how desperate he wanted to.

If I could tell him that it hurt me too, and I was sorry. I am sorry.

-

I'm being emotional writing this right now :"