If I don't want to - S.M.

10 | She Was Right

Shawn's POV

"Hey, it's been a while since I met you, Shawn," a woman greeted from behind the desk as I closed the door behind me and walked closer towards her desk. "How's the tour?" She put out her hand offering a shake-hand.

"Totally, yeah. It was indescribably heart-stirring. It still is, honestly. Thank you for asking," I answered her kind gesture with a smile and then shook her hand.

Her hand motioned me to have a seat.

"I was there in Connecticut tour," her eyes met mine.

"Oh, really? You should've texted me so I can meet you after the show," I wondered why did she even come to my tour.

"My daughter will be extremely delighted to meet you, she's a big fan," She smiled, "But unfortunately she already went to her dreamland by the time you ended your songs."

Oh, right. Her baby. I could tell she's imagining her baby sleeping in the cutest possible way inside her head.

"Aw, I'll meet her next session if you're permitting," I said, "She must have grown up so fast then the last time we- I mean I saw her," I halted for a second to revise my saying.

"Yeah, she's five now. Children grow up too fast," She said as her fingers run through a line of documents on the shelves behind her desk. "Your mom must have the same thought with me," She pulled the right file out of the row and turned around, "See where you are now," She took a seat and threw a smile at me like what every mom would do seeing her kids growing up well.

"It's just a number, I'm still the same, you know," I shrugged, trying to cover up the heat that went up to my cheek, "And here I am, coming back to you, trying to pull myself that stuck in the past," I smile sadly.

"It's hard to lose someone you love for a lifetime, Shawn," She replied me smiling with empathy. "So, do you want to talk about how you feel about the event these days?" She jumped straight to the point after I opened the conversation.

"I...," I hesitated to tell her the truth. I'm sure she wouldn't believe that I can see the dead. "I just can't take her off my mind," and I failed to tell her the truth. Well, it's not wrong though.

"She had been there in my life for 25 years, Andrea. She was there when I was at my peak, she was there when I was down the hill. She has been there even before I think about singing. She's been there since we're babies. She raised me up when I was in a struggle climbing up, and she pulled me up when I was tumbling down. She was there in my daily loop, she was my routine, part of my life that I can't get rid of easily, Andrea. And everyone expects me to forget her and move on!" My voice got raised at the very end of the sentence, expressing my confusion.

"Thank you for telling me that, Shawn," she kept her expression straight now instead of smiling, "Then, could you tell me how does she reappear between your days?"

"I just remember her in everything that I do," I sighed a loud breathe, "Wonder if she's still there when I open my eyes in the morning. Wonder if she's still there to support me when I'm done with rehearsals. Imagine if she's still there celebrating my successful performances and tour," I started to drown in my thoughts and imagination, "Everything, Andrea, every second," then I gathered my consciousness on the present time.