The Only Reason (Muke)

Chapter 7

3rd person's POV

After Calum and Ashton fell asleep Luke was still pounding at Michael's door, begging for him to open the door, he was afraid of something happening to Michael. He loves Michael and he is completely worried out of his mind, devastated. He didn't hear Calum's last word of the sentence but after the words soaked in, he got the hint.

Michael stayed silent, drowning on his thoughts, gripping the bed's sheets harshly, crying silently. Thoughts of leaving forever, fading into eternal darkness, fighting between actually doing it or not.

After more than an hour Luke finally gave up and sat besides Michael's door. Of course Michael was awake, so he pulled out his journal and his eyes landed on the one song he was actually proud of, was. He ripped the page carefully from the notebook and started singing the words softly and half way through, he crumpled the piece of paper into a ball and threw it on the ground.

"Fuck!" He said furiously. Why am I such a fuck up? What did I ever do to you god? Why am I alive? Michael thought

He flipped through his notebook and started reading the 30th page of the journal, in that page he wrote the day after the 1 year anniversary of his mom's death, about how it was all his fault, about his dad beating him until he lost consciousness and shouting at him about how it was all his fault and how he was a disgrace the day before, about kids shoving him against the lockers laughing at the purple bruises on his skin from the previous day.

That's when he lost it.

He threw the journal full of secrets at the door, next to the ball of paper thrown previously and He started screaming, kicking stuff, throwing everything he could find with great force into the wall, smashing, breaking, punching. Punched the mirror and he watched as the mirror broke into tiny pieces and fell on the wooden floor. All the pictures he's been trying to delete from his mind came back with even more force, making him lose control of his actions and let pain take over. He kept repeating his action until he heard the door break in half and looked up to see Luke standing there with tear stained cheeks, beside him was Calum, Ashton behind him, that was the first time he ever saw Ashton afraid, and Michael hated that, he felt horrible. Michael's knees gave up and he fell on his knees, all he did was cry and cry, that's all he could do as Calum and Ashton comforted him, whispering in his ear that everything would be okay.

Michael knew it would never be okay, and deep inside of themselves Calum and Ashton knew it too.

Michael didn't feel the warmth he needed to feel, he felt cold, he needed Luke. When he calmed down a little, just a little, he looked around, looking for one and only one person.

But he wasn't there.

Michael's heart snapped and became colder by the second and standing up, he wiped his tears harshly and turned to look at confused Ashton and Calum.

"Get out," Michael said bitterly, standing up and looking down at his still soaked jeans.

"What?" Calum asked, clearly hurt by Michael's words.

"I said, Get. Out," Michael said once again, just as harsh, pointing at the broken door.

"Michael we're just trying to help, let us help you, we want you to be okay. You know you're not a-"Ashton spoke up but got cut off by a humorless laugh coming from Michael's mouth.

"I don't need you, I don't need you to tell me that I'm not okay!"

"But Michael we can hel-" Calum started on the verge of tears.

"I don't need you! I don't need anyone! so just leave me alone and get the fuck out!!" Michael yelled at a now sobbing Calum and hurt, more like disappointed Ashton. He regretted it, he really did, he hated fighting with them, with the only family he had,but he didn't want to hurt them when he was gone, he might as well cut them off now.

They got up giving Michael one last glance before getting out, dodging the half of the door that was hanging there. After they walked down stairs, Michael screamed and thrashed in his bed until he couldn't anymore.

Everything was falling apart.

He got up and found his way to the bathroom through all the shattered glass and broken things lying on the floor like a lost soul then grabbed a razor from the cabinet and threw it against the hard floor, breaking it, taking one of its blades between his fingers and without hesitation dragged the sharp object across his wrists over and over, each line deeper than the last one, repeating his actions again and again.

Luke didn't care. He left. He doesn't care. You're stupid, you're ugly, who would love me? Luke definitely doesn't, no one does, That's all Michael thought while still dragging the blade across his skin until his vision became blurry and he felt dizzy.

He dropped the blood covered blade on the bathroom floor, stumbling back to his room not bothering to wash his blood covered wrists, or to put the other half of the door up to cover how messed up he was and looked at his reflection through the broken pieces of the mirror.

He looked awful. Just like always, Michael smiled sadly.

Blood cascading down his wrists and hands,out of his fresh cuts, deep cuts in his hands from all the destruction, bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"See I told you no one would care," he whispered still looking at himself. "I told you Luke wouldn't care," he sobbed once again.

He sobbed and sobbed, until he fell asleep. Michael wanted to die, he lost blood, but all that happened was that he fell asleep. He didn't die, and he hated that, but he let his eyes close, dreaming about a perfect life while he laid there in the middle of his room, in the middle of a disaster, too bad it was just a dream.

Little did he know that Luke found a crumpled piece of paper along with a journal, a razor wrapped in a piece of paper neatly tucked inside the ink covered book next to Michael's door, and has already read the solitary paper and is half way through the book that Michael kept his secrets in and made sure to keep it a secret as long as he could, too bad that while Michael was dreaming, covered in blood and surrounded by broken objects, Luke was reading Michael's worst secrets.