The Only Reason (Muke)

Chapter 12

Wow, it's been so long since I've updated, I don't think anyone even reads this.

Luke's pov.

It's been a while, but Michael seems to be getting better by the hour, of course he still has those bad mood swings but currently back on tour we barely have time to think, I have been worried that he hasn't been eating so well. I'll make sure to talk to him about that.

But as for me, I feel nothing and I don't know if I should be worried, I've been drinking and going out clubbing more than normal, and it honestly kills me to see the look on Michael's face when I come into his bunk after 3 in the morning almost every night. Maybe it's my fault Michael's been distant with me. Of course it is. Way to go Luks, always fucking up. But then I guess it's better than cutting myself and feeling everything right? I don't know but I don't really care. All I care about is Michael's well being but even that seems to be slipping from my fingers.

At least Ashton and Calum have been in good terms, looking pretty happy. God we're such a gay band. Hm, Calum. Haven't really actually had a deep conversation with that guy in a few weeks, I don't know if it's him that I hear crying every day at 2 in the morning or Michael. Eh I'll make sure to talk to him tomorrow after I sober up.

"Pass me another 5 of vodka," I slurred, messing with my lace bracelets and my eyes falling out of focus once in a while.

"I think that's enough for you buddy," the baldy behind the counter says. Who does he think he is? I'm the one paying him to do his god damn job. Do I look like I'm joking around?

"Your unwanted opinion isnt what I'm fucking paying you for, so c'mon get going," I waved my money around and slapped it on the counter, and with a smirk I watched as he quickly put the toxic liquid in front of me. See baldy? Isn't that hard is it? I swear people nowadays.

I wonder if my Michael is asleep now, he always waits until I get there to sleep. My cute little kitten. I'm so fucking lucky to have him.

I quickly downed my shots, and I know I definitely can't drive so I'm quick to ask for a cab. I can't wait to get to michael, I need him. Does he even miss me? Well all I'm good at is doing this and making sure he doesn't self harm, I check every inch of his beautiful body to make sure he doesn't do it. At least I'm not fucking up at that.

As we reach the bus, I'm glad to see ashton's and calum's rental cars aren't there, finally some alone time with Mikey, my little moon and soon, the universe in my pocket.

I quickly threw a 100 dollar bill to the cab driver ignoring his worried calls and I just "skipped" towards the bus, not even looking around to admire what a beautiful night it was in Los Angeles.

"Honey I'm hoomee!!" I yelled, followed by a laugh, man it's harder to walk through the bus in the dark than I thought.

"Luke? What the fuck is wrong with you? Look at you," I saw Michael's beautiful face and just as I thought, I cute pout was placed on his lips. And as the kind person he is he quickly went to my aid, and as I saw him closer, he was so much more beautiful. So effortlessly beautiful, this is an angel, my angel.

"You are so pretty michael, kiss me," I slurred and didn't even let him respond before I connected our lips into a messy kiss, which from he quickly pulled away with a frown in his face.

"No luke stop. Not today I'm not in the mood and you're drunk out of your mind. Let's go to bed yeah?" He whispered with furrowed eyebrows.

He doesn't want to have sex with me? What did I do wrong? All I've done is take care of him and he does this? How humiliating.

"No no. You kiss me now, okay?" I said with gritted teeth and pulled him in for a forceful kiss and pulled on his wrists as he squirmed trying to get away.

"Luke stop! Stop! No!" He sobbed, making me look back a see his face, his beautiful face stained with tears, what was I thinking?

"Oh my god Mikey I'm so sorry I don't know what I was thinking I'm sorry," my eyes teared and my chest started heaving. Surely I have messed everything up now. Stupid stupid. And before I realized it, I was hitting myself, rocking back and forth.

"Lukey stop stop it's okay it's okay, let's go to sleep okay?" I stared into mikey's distressed eyes, my eyes slowly closing as he held me, both of us sitting against calum's bunk.

Michael's eyes hadn't really been rid of the pain, but I was too selfish to see that.