Unloved (Eric x OC Divergent)

Part VI: The Toxicity

- Eric POV -

I wish I could read her mind.
I wish she could read mine.

I didn't anticipate bumping into Florence, or rather have her bump into me, this night. But I'm glad she did. I need to tell her something, anything to explain my erratic behavior the past couple of weeks, but I don't know how...and I don't know if it's still useful.
I have embarrassed myself so much in front of her, I've been rude and ungrateful, I've cursed at her, yelled at her and even tried to push her into kissing me, a sharp pain shoots through me when I realize how close I was to telling her this morning and how much I've ruined my chance.

"Florence..." I utter her name softly, not knowing what words I can attach that will make me not come off as the idiot I am. Shit, why am I so stupid?
When I look into her eyes I see she's struggling to find words too. I try to think of something to do other than stand here before her, waiting and hoping for words to come out of her, but I come up completely blank. She looks puzzled, like she's trying to solve something in her head, her dark green eyes dart back and forth, then I finally see her determined on something and her lips move, asking me a question in what seems like slow motion:

"Eric, what do you want from me?"

Her words take me by surprise and even though the answer is blatantly obvious to me, I decide on another answer, trying to refrain from scaring her like I did this morning.
"Your help", it comes out faster than I thought and I feel anxious waiting for her reply this time, I look into her eyes pleading and silently hope I will be lucky enough for her to offer her help to me again like she did this morning, before I ruined it. I bite my lip trying to distract myself, I don't deserve her help, the thought swarms through my head, hitting home, as I'm convinced she is going to cuss me out at any minute. I look down, waiting for her words to come down on me like a storm. But then I feel her fingers under my chin, lifting my head up to meet her gaze, when I lock my eyes with hers I get lost instantly, they're so beautiful, she's so beautiful.
She still hasn't spoken yet, but her eyes are soft and they calm me down. I don't notice I'm still biting my lip until she runs her fingers softly under my lip "Stop biting your lip Eric", the words are so simple but they make the stone that has been resting in my stomach falter.
I do what she asks of me, releasing my lower lip as she runs her finger over it as to check if I didn't make it bleed again.

She looks up at me again and asks "How can I help you?" I let out a deep sigh of relief, feeling lucky she hasn't given up on me completely. I try to think of a way to frame my words carefully as to not scare her again. I don't deserve her help! The feeling creeps back up and hits me like a sledgehammer, my stomach turns and I move my feet trying to find solid ground. She notices.
"What's wrong?" The sincerity of her question is written all over her face as her eyes look into mine fishing for an explanation, stirring up a feeling in me I can't describe.
"I can't do this, I can't do this, I don't deserve this" the thoughts are taking me by storm and I feel myself catapulting into panic. She can't see me like this.

I break away from her and start pacing away, trying to outrun her and get to my apartment as fast as I can. I need to get away from her, I need to hide. I can't let her see me like this.
The panic settles deep as I realize I am ruining another chance at being honest with her and I feel myself spinning into a dark place, when I hear her voice behind me.
"Eric, what are you doing?" she sounds angry, but worry laces her voice.
"Eric, will you stop and look at me please?" her voice is getting closer and I hear the sound of her heels on the floor as she is obviously running to keep up with me.

"Eric!"

Her voice penetrates my panic and I stop, not turning around. I hear her come up to me and feel her walking past me to come face to face. My breath is ragged, my heart is going a million miles per hour and I feel like I am running a marathon, "yeah, the panic is definitely back" I think to myself as I try to avoid her gaze. As if I could still be able to hide.
She puts her fingers under my chin once more to make me meet her gaze, her touch always soft and caring, feeling like she could heal me. When I meet her gaze I see she's not angry, not even in the slightest, her breath is even and her eyes full of determination.
"If you want me to help you, you're going to have to let me in" her voice sounds serious, her tone firm. "You have to stop playing games" she continues, looking into my eyes as if she is looking for confirmation, "you have to tell me what's going on Eric". I can almost taste the worry in her voice, I try to get myself under control but fail to do so miserably, I stand before her a panicked mess, but in this moment, I decide not to run away. I nod to agree, knowing I can't muster up any words at the moment, but she doesn't seem to mind as her eyes soften after my agreement.

What she does next surprises me beyond measure. While looking into my eyes, she stands up on her toes, trying to get on eye level with me, when she finds I'm still towering over her she softly puts her hands around my neck and pulls me down. Her lips meet mine and for a moment, I feel like I'm going to explode, or crumble, or melt, either one of those or all at the same time. I feel my heart slowing down, my breath stabilizing and my panic subside to a point where I can actually catch my train of thoughts again. When her soft lips release mine I notice I've been standing here like a statue, savoring the moment, like I've just been kissed for the first time. While regaining autonomy over my muscles again, I move my hand to the small of her back and pull her against me, I breathe in the scent of her hair and close my eyes, trying to stay this close to her as long as humanly possible.

"I don't deserve your help", it slips out of my mouth before I realize. She pulls back and I reluctantly give her room enough to face me again, not letting go of her. I can't look at her and she doesn't make me, not this time. She just pulls me close again and whispers in my ear:

"I decide that you do Eric."