Finding Myself

3: Quinn

My mom drops me of at school and before I can walk in, I notice the cheerleaders hanging out on the left side of the entrance with their boyfriends. I quickly pull my hood up over my head to cover my face and I stay as close to the right side of the wall and sneak past them.

Yesterday, I hung out with them before school and ended up being late to class and scolded by my teachers on the first day. The cheerleaders just wouldn't let me leave; every time I tried to go they would hold me back and ask me more questions. Since I'm the newbie everyone wants to know more about me and why I never tried out until senior year.

When I signed up to try out for the team in the summer they all thought it was a joke and that I would be awful. They had no idea that I have been dancing and cheering for years outside of school. So they were pretty much blown away when I easily did their routines.

Anyway, I hurry to my first class and as I enter and walk past some desks I notice a familiar face in the back. I make my way over to where Riley is and ask, "Is the seat next to you taken?"

"Hey, Quinn. The seat isn't taken," she replies.

I smile and sit down next to her. Soon the teacher walks in and I quickly dig through my back to get my stuff out before the lecture starts. While I get ready to write down notes, I glance over at Riley and see her so focused on the lecture. She doesn't even realize that I'm looking at her and I can't seem to take my eyes of off her.

I miss the classes she used to wear in freshman year, she looked really cute with those, but man she looks hot now. We used to have a class together all those years ago, that's where I first met her and developed such a strong crush on her. She was so quiet and smart and sweet, even though most people thought she was arrogant. She wasn't, she's just painfully shy, but she doesn't have a single mean bone in her body. I can tell by how sweet she is to Mason; the girl practically does anything for her boyfriend.

Riley getting together with Mason definitely destroyed my little girl crush, but I should have known better. I learned from that experience; never get crushes on straight girls who have boyfriends. Over the years I have followed that rule, but I can't shake the soft spot I have for Riley.

I really want to be her friend, she is super smart. Everyone talks about her in school; we all know that she is going to end up being the valedictorian at the end of the year. There is no question about that; she's always been such a hard worker in school, so I'm not surprised at all.

I just really hope the stupid crush doesn't get in the way of the friendship. I doubt it will, since it's so small. Most of the feelings I have had for her in the past are gone, I just need to crush the straggler feelings. Maybe if I hang out with Riley and her boyfriend, the two of them being cute with each other will make me want to throw up and make the feelings go away? It's worth a try. I really do not want to be crushing on a straight girl in my senior year of high school. That just sounds absolutely tragic. Not to mention, watch her probably marrying her high school sweetheart, yuck. That's too much heterosexual for me to think about, but I guess it's helping me forget about ever being anything with Riley.

She is just going to be my friend and nothing else.

"Hey, Quinn, ready to go? Class just ended," Riley says out the blue, taking me out of my thoughts. I look at her dumbfounded and quickly scan the room and notice most people have packed up and left. Did I really spend the entire class caught up in my thoughts?

"Great, I wasn't able to listen to the whole lecture and write down notes," I reply face palming.

"You can take a picture of my notes if you want," Riley offers. See, what did I tell you. She is really nice, most of the people in this AP class wouldn't even consider helping you, they are very competitive, but not Riley.

"Oh my god, thank you. That would be amazing," I reply as I take out my phone. Riley hands me her notes and I try to find the beginning of the notes. I guess I take too long and Riley walks behind me and reaches her arm over my shoulder so that's he can flip to the beginning of the notes.

Her sudden close proximity makes me freeze and I can feel my face heating up. I probably look like a tomato; thank god I'm not facing Riley right now. I'm so nervous that I don't say a single word and start taking pictures of her notes. Once I'm done, I hand the notebook over to her and our fingers slightly brush against each other and I immediately get goosebumps all over my body at the slight contact.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Stop right there you stupid fucking feelings.

"Thank you," I stutter and she gives me her signature lopsided smile that tugs at my heart. I immediately look away and quickly pack my stuff and get up to walk out with her.

Riley's boyfriend is waiting for her outside the class. The moment I see him, my heart drops. Riley gives him a peck and hugs him and seeing them like that stings.

This is good. I mean, it slightly hurts, but it's good. I need to stomp on this small crush so I can move on. I pretend to smile and force myself to say, "You two are so cute together." Wish I could throw up right now.

Mason replies, "Thank you. That's sweet of you to say. So, How are you today, Quinn." Damn it, why does he have to be a nice guy. Why can't he be like a bad guy so that I can hate him and forget about Riley?

"I'm good thank you," I lie and add, "It was nice seeing you two, but I really need to get to my next class. I didn't do some homework, so I need to hurry up over there to finish it before the teacher collects it." I really don't feel like watching them kiss and hug each other for the next five minutes, so any excuse to get out is amazing now.

"Okay, hope you get the work done. Bye, Quinn, see you later," Riley says as she gives me another adorable smile. I notice that Mason gently bumps her shoulder and gives her a look and Riley quickly adds, "Wait, Quinn."

I stop and look at her questionably. "I was wondering if you would like to hang out sometimes and study together, if you want."

Woah, I never expected her to ask me to hang out. I never pictured her as the social person since she always keeps to herself. However, it seems like her boyfriend had something to do with this. I guess this is a good idea. There is no way that I will be alone with Riley, I'm so sure that her boyfriend will be around us the whole time. So, I guess operation destroy any remaining feelings for Riley is in full effect.

"Yeah, that sounds awesome. What day is good for you?"

"Ummmmmmm," she replies getting all flustered. I guess she wasn't expecting me to say yes.

Mason bumps her shoulder again and Riley blurts out, "How about on Wednesday!"

"Okay, that gives me enough time to ask my mom for permission. I'm sure I can do it since it's to study," I reply. "See you later," I add walking away.

"Wait, Quinn!"

I turn around again as Riley walks closer to me. "Don't you need my number to tell me if you can come or not?"

I'm so stupid. Of course I need her number. How else would I tell her later what my mom said? I quickly take out my phone and instead of giving me time to ask for her number, she opens her palm so I can give her my phone.

I give it to her and she puts her information in and hands it back to me. "Bye," she quickly says and fast walks over to Mason. They walk away and I look down at my phone and see her name and number and a smiley face.

The fucking smiley face is what makes my heart melt. What the fuck! How can something so mundane be so cute when Riley does it?

Getting over these tiny feelings is going to be difficult.

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author note: Sorry for the long wait. Hope you enjoyed this.

next update will be sometime this week.