Finding Myself

51: Quinn

I leave Riley so that she can change and in a few minutes she joins me on the bed. However, she sits on the edge and doesn't dare come closer.

I roll my eyes and scoot closer to her so that I can wrap my arms around her. She's stiff for a few seconds before relaxing into my touch. "Relax, Riley. I'm not going to bite, okay. For a matter of fact, if you want me to sleep somewhere else for the night then I will, it's okay with me."

I let go of her and try to get up, but Rilwy stops me. She holds onto my arm and whispers, "Please don't go. I don't want you to spend the night in a different room."

I smile and sit back down on the bed and I wrap my arms around her again. She hugs my waist and burries her face in my neck. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise," I respond before kissing her head.

We stay like that for a few minutes and despite the silence I feel so happy. It just feels right to be next to her, it makes my heart swoon.

"We should probably go to sleep now," Riley murmurs. I agree and we get both get up so that we can fix the bed and lay down. Riley and I face each other in bed and she closes her eyes, but I have a feeling that she isn't fully asleep yet. I reach forward so that I can caress her cheek and Riley immediately opens her eyes to stare at me.

"What are you doing?" She whispers. I can see a light blush spreading across her face.

Instead of just answering her I blurt out, "You're so beautiful." Now I see her cheeks turn bright red and I can't help but smile widely.

"Stop," she whimpers before trying to hide her face in her pillow which makes me chuckle.

"Stop what," I tease.

"Stop being so adorable," she says. Her words shock me and I instantly start to blush as well. I can feel my heart rate increase and the butterflies in my stomach are going crazy.

"So, you think I'm adorable," I reply smirking. Riley moves the pillow so that I can see her and she rolls her eyes at me. We both chuckle for a bit before I scoot closer to her so that I can put an arm around her.

Riley shifts so that she can put her arm over mine and she starts to lightly trace my skin with her fingertips. I instantly get goosebumps and shiver which makes her smirk.

"Enjoying how you make me react?" I tease.

I expect Riley to playfully push me away or roll her eyes, however she says something that I never expected. "Yes, I like seeing your cute reactions." Instead of me clustering her, she is starting to turn the tables on me. Riley chuckles at my dumbfounded expression and leans over to kiss me.

She pulls away after a few seconds and I can't help but put. I just want to keep kissing her and enjoy this moment. "We should really get some sleep. It's late and we have school tomorrow," she comments.

"I don't want to go to sleep now though," I interrupt.

"Why not?"

"Well, because everything is perfect right now and tomorrow it might not be. I already lost my parents, I don't want to lose you too," I explain and Riley's expression softens. She puts a hand under my chin and tilts my face up so that I'm looking at her and she gives me a quick kiss.

"I'm not going anywhere. I can't promise you anything other than that. For now, just give me time, but know that you're the only person constantly on my mind," Riley opens up to me.

"You're the only person on my mind too. Always have been. Probably always will be," I add making her smile.

"Good, now that we've made it pretty clear how we feel about each other, it's time to sleep," Riley announces again.

I groan and she chuckles, but then she starts kissing my cheek and eventually I crack a smile as well. "Okay, okay. You're right. Let's get some sleep," I agree.

Riley leans over her nightstand to turn off the lamp and she snuggles back up close to me. I wrap my arms around her and close my eyes. Normally I wouldn't be able to fall asleep so fast, especially near Riley. However, I've never been so happy and calm, I easily drift off to sleep.

When I finally wake up, the sun's rays beam down on me and I try cover my eyes. It doesn't work so I roll over in bed and reach out to pull Riley closer, however I can't feel her. I open one eye and notice that Riley isn't in bed. I panic and sit up.

"Riley!" I yell.

"Yeah?" She answers back. I turn to her and see her standing next to her tortoises tank, holding lettuce in her hands.

"Don't ever do that again," I blurt out and Riley gives me a dumbfounded expression.

She looks down at the lettuce and holds it up for me to see. "You don't want me to feed Wally anymore?"

"What!? No! I mean, don't ever leave me alone in bed," I try to explain.

"But, I was just a few feet away..."

"That's not the point, Riley," I pout. This girl can really be dull sometimes, doesn't change how I feel about her, but man she gives me headaches sometimes.

Riley quickly puts the lettuce in the tank for Wally then she walks to the bed to sit down next to me. "What's wrong? Why were you upset that I wasn't in bed?"

"I thought you ran out on me," I respond.

"Aw, Quinn. I know I've never been the most reliable and I panic a lot because of past traumas, but believe me when I say you're important to me. I've never meant to hurt you and I'm sorry that I did. I'm still figuring myself out and I know that's not an excuse and I'm sorry. I want you, only you and I don't exactly know what that means for my sexuality, but I don't care..."

I stop Riley so that I can pull her closer to kiss. I know these last few weeks have been so hard for her and I know she never had bad intentions. She has a good heart, but she was so scared. The fact that she's finally admitting that she has feelings and wants me means the world to me. I don't care about the past, I only care about this moment here.

"Breakfast is ready!" Yell Riley's parents from downstairs.

I kiss Riley one more time before we get up and head downstairs to eat. I make sure to hold her hand until we get to the hallway before entering the kitchen.

I know how Tiley feels about me, but I also know she isn't ready to show this to her parents or other people and I get that. She's barely coming into this world of understanding what sex she likes and it's confusing and I don't want to rush her. I understand her because I used to be in that headspace too. I just want to show her that I'm here for her no matter what.

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I had a burst of motivation and decided to do a short chapter. There's been a lot of bad things going on and I wanted to put a smile on someone's face with this story.

Just know that I support black live matter. No one should be treated differently because of their skin color.  It sucks that we still go through this everyday. I hope my story can give you all a different perspective and voice for others. Even though the discrimination and racism is hispanic based in my story, it is still relevant to any race. The examples I give are examples that any person of color might go through in their life.

Fight for what is right, stay safe and wash your hands. ❤❤❤

I love you all so much. I wouldn't be where I am now without you all.