My Guardian

Chapter 5

Sunday rolls around all too quickly- I spent most of Friday holed up in my room, only leaving to get a meal. Yes it was another fast food place. I didn't want to brave the new town feeling so tired. Although, Sunday I pulled up my big girl panties and decided to explore a bit. Boy was I surprised with what this place has to offer. Between the family owned businesses and pleasant shops. The atmosphere was relaxing and open to new people. It was nice to see the wide variety.

I managed to find this sweet little diner named Lulu's and I was impressed with their food. Better than anything I could make. Of course this is coming from a person who could burn water. I have never been able to cook, not that I've put much effort into learning to cook. Maybe that's something I should try to learn. I can't grow as a person if I don't at least give a solid effort to attempt things I want to learn. I know not all of us can cook, but trying a handful of times doesn't constitute making an effort.

Another sad realization I had while out window shopping was how out of shape I had become. I spent more time on a break to 'window shop' than I did walking around. Which isn't great considering I went from walking all day to being out of breath. I don't think I'm unhappy enough to try a diet, because they were all for Mother, not for me. All to make Mother happy. While I do want to spend more time eating healthier and consuming better food for myself. Because I want to better myself, for me, not for her.

It was scary to think how often I let people walk over me. I listened to my family and their condescending words, and tried to fit into their box of perfection. How long I spent on diets and outfits, fashion to look good at work. Martin always said he worked with high end businessmen and I had to dress appropriately; like I had money. Which he didn't pay me nearly as well as he should've. I can't believe that I ever believed that if I dieted it would make others happier with myself.

The fact that I let others try and determine what my weight is is scary. It isn't like I'm morbidly obease, or my family has a history of heart disease. I mean sure, could losing a few pounds hurt? No, but it's not anyone else's concern. Not to say that I won't try and move more. I did find that adorable park I can use for some daily walks. The scenery was beautiful; I don't think I want to stay away for long. With a semi secluded pond with a stunning willow that peered out over the water- amazing.

If I had my guitar, I doubt I would've left that spot for hours. I think I could force myself to go over to the park- with my guitar this time. My eyes roam the ceiling and I sigh, more relaxed than I ever have been. I can't think of a time where I've felt this calm. It's really starting to be easy to want to live here. While I'm not going to make any rash decisions yet; I think this place has a lot of promise for being home.

There's something special in being surrounded by fresh air, the lush grass and sounds of animals. I never did like to get up at ungodly hours, or hearing the traffic horns that blared well into the night. Not to forget the gunshots at all hours of the night. The city never called to me- it sure repulsed me, more often than not. New York City isn't a clean place, it's covered in filth, the streets reek. And yet here I haven't seen so much as a piece of litter.

Someone takes excellent care of the area- whoever it is, has a keen eye. Is it sad that that was the first thing I noticed and appreciated it? Of course I'm that obsessive, I glance at the alarm clock and hum, it's already nine in the morning. It's time to get my butt out of bed and take a shower. Today I have to visit a laundromat; I've pushed it off for a few days now. Although, if I do my laundry I can play my guitar for a reward.

I haven't had time to sit out in a park and play some music. Mainly because I didn't feel comfortable to sit out alone. Music has always been a sweet escape, a place to lose my worries, forget the nonsense of the day. It's long overdue, especially with work starting. The cool air washes over my legs as I push the covers from my body and sigh. Since the weather has cooled considerably it's been a challenge to find things to wear. Granted my suitcase is fairly small and not packed with cold clothes.