That Girl

Blog 425: Precious Ladybug

*I wanted to start by showing you what little ladybugs nursery looked like, we with this style because with Olivia we went super pink that I honestly just wanted to try something new...I also might make a quick post with an updated house photo tour because A LOT has changed in these few months. *

Hey everybody, this is the entry a lot of you have been waiting for...the entry where I finally tell you the name of my sweet little ladybug. Her name is...ha you didn't think it would be that easy, did you? So let me tell you guys what has been happening with the little bug first. So, I wanted to make this entry a little like I did when I had Olivia and give you a little story, but I don't know I'll start something and see how I feel.

My precious ladybug, my beautiful baby girl, my strong fighter...she went through a lot in just a short span of her life. When she was born, she only weighed 4lbs 2oz and 12 ½ inches long, she was so small that I didn't even get to really see her when she came out because they had to rush her into a bed and up to the NICU. I thought everything was going to be fine but all I remember was hearing the doctor concerned with how much blood I had lost. Matty was rushed out of the operating room, and I was quickly put under anesthesia, once I was out of surgery and finally managed to wake up, I woke up to what was probably my worst nightmare. Matty was sitting in the corner of my room with his head buried in his hands, Missy was on the phone I think trying to reach Josh, but still managed to comfort Matty, and my mom was passing the room with tears streaming down her face.

*Flashback*

Maya-H-hhey w-wwhat's going on?

Katy-Ohh Maya honey thank God you're okay

Matty & Missy-Ohh my god Maya!!

Maya-I'm fine...but what's going on? Where's the baby?

Katy-Honey you lost so much blood the doctors weren't sure what the outcome was going to be.

Maya-Okay that answers one of my questions...where's the baby? Matty what going on?

Matty-Maya...the baby was having trouble breathing and there was an issue with her heart...t-tthey had to take her into surgery.

Maya-Surgery!!!but she's too small she can't handle surgery!!

*Flashback over*

My mom tried her best to calm me down but the only thing I could think about was how me...me her mother... I failed her and now she has to undergo surgery and she's not even two hours old. The time I spent in the hospital flew by and before I knew it, I was getting discharged but my baby still had to stay there. That was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do as a mother. With Olivia, even though she was pretty small I was still able to go home with her when it was time for me to actually leave but not this time. The next few weeks were stressful between trying to balance school a one-year-old and a NICU baby I barely had any time to think about Josh and where he was and what was going through his head. I spent my time at school and when I wasn't there I was with my sweet ladybug.

She had a hard time in the beginning and ended up needing three more surgeries, she wasn't eating and whenever she did it wasn't enough, she hardly gained any weight until everything finally turned around. After roughly two months in the NICU, she finally started showing increasing rates that were staying high. She gained weight and actually kept most of it one, she could eat from a bottle and her heart was doing great. After another month it was time to finally bring her home, Matty and I drove to the hospital but a part of me didn't want to give my hopes up because of what happened the last time. Doctor Nahl said we had to do the "carrier test" which is basically putting her in and making sure she can safely stay in it for 30 minutes. She passed it with flying colors, and I could finally take my little girl home. When we pulled into the gate I saw Olivia, my mom, Missy, Shyla, Shawn, Josh, and them with a huge banner that said, "Welcome Home ...." Across it, and I couldn't help but tear up, I was finally able to take her into her nursery and even though it took me a long time to actually be able to do it, it was still just as special. I sat with her for some time before finally joining everyone downstairs, it was nice to catch up with everyone, but it felt even better when it was just Matty, Olivia, me, and ladybug because our little family was finally all together. I know Matty and I aren't together but the friendship we have and seeing us all together made me happy that Matty chose to stay and be a father instead of walking away from everything.