Loving Diane

21

"So that's all that happened" Ella concluded as she told me about the fight between hade and Lucas

"Wow, must've really been a crazy day" I exclaimed laughing

"Yes it was, I'm just happy me and Lucas talked about everything. God it hurts to see him hurt" she said

I asked hesitantly, "Why was Lucas hurting?"

Ella sighed, taking a sip from her tea "He still hasn't recovered for you 'supposedly' cheating on him.. I think the image is still in his mind. He's locked his emotions away"

My eyes teared up, a hurtful sound coming from my throat, "I swear upon my life I didn't do anything with Alex"

Not able to take it anymore I started sobbing, "I don't even remember how I got in his bed, I'd felt so humiliated, used and disgusted and worst of all the way Lucas looked at me.. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget the look on his face"

"I'm so sorry Di, I didn't know it affected you so much" Ella hugged me

I took in deep breaths, "I lov-loved him so much" tears rolled down my cheeks "and it just hurts, hur- hurts so god damn much"

Ella looked at me so hurt

I placed my hand on my heart, "right here, everyday I wake up with this pain. An-And when I look at him-"

I looked away from Ella, grasping for air "When I-I look at him it's unbearable" looking at Ella who'd also got tears in her eyes "the pain, it's unbearable. How does one felt betrayed and hurt at the same time? I felt betrayed because Lucas had such little trust in me and hurt to see him the way he is"

"Oh Diane, you still love my brother don't you?" Ella asked

I nodded looking at my hand intertwined in my laps "I couldn't look at any man the way I looked at Lucas, couldn't love any other man with the same intensity I loved Lucas. He has scared my soul for any other man"

I sighed, wiping my tears, "but now he's with another woman, someone beautiful and far more well suited with him. And though it hurts to see him in the arms of another woman, if that's what makes him happy then I'm happy for him" I smiled lightly "one of us deserves to be happy"

Hugging me again Ella silently cried, "He doesn't deserve you Diane, I love my brother I really do but you have a heart of Gold and he let his short sightedness get the better of him"

"He still loves you, believe it or not. I know my brother like the back of my hand.. but he's having a hard time letting go of the past"

I nodded

Hard time letting go of something that didn't happen

Hard time letting go of his hatred

Hating me was easier for him than loving me

Because loving me would require to trust me

Trust that he didn't have in the first place to give me

Later that day I went back home and spent the day locked in my room

Five years later I'd finally opened up about how I felt that day

No body asked me

No one know what I'd been

It was always what Lucas and Ella were going though

And I understand that

Understand that no one believes a woman whose caught in bed naked with another man

But me?

What did I feel that day?

How had I gotten into the bed?

How were my clothes off me?

So ashamed and humiliated of myself

Alex's words

"Tell him the truth! Tell him how you forced me to come with you to bed! I can't believe you'd drugged me" Alex shouted at me

And I?

Had I not been drugged?

That was the only explanation in my head as to how I ended up in Alex's bed

I'd even gone to the hospital after everything for a checkup

To see if I'd been forced to do something or not

I'd even gotten some blood tests done

The reports were clear and clean which meant nothing had happened between me and Alex

I was just set up at front of Ella and Lucas

My blood tests however came positive for drugs
Alex had spiked my drink which was the reason why I'd no memory of that night other than waking up in Alex bed

What confused me was why had Alex framed me?

Did he do it just for money?

I thought he really loved Ella?

And he's been best friends with Lucas since childhood

Did he have some sort of jealousy?

And now after everything's been cleared why was Lucas so cold towards me?

I remember how I'd sent Lucas the photocopies of the tests but he didn't believe them

Why?

Why would he not believe me?

What did Alex have over me that proved him better than me?

What had Alex said afterwards that gained Lucas trust back?

My head started hurting with all the questions, I turned off the lights and dozed off to sleep