The Unwanted Words (Completed)

Transform

*Warning: some explicit Content-Trigger warning*

She
Her
The female pronouns
Pink
Flowers
Lace
What you put on your face
Makeup
Mascara
Lipstick
You never did like it did you
The feminine side you were supposed to grow into

He
Him
Blue
Toy cars
Action figures
Suits and ties
You were more drawn to that
The masculinity
Being a Tomboy
It always suited your personality better.

You wanted to fit in
With the boys
Girls always had to much drama
But you didnt hate them
You wore pink. Thinking
You could find
Any trace of feminine qualities
You had buried underneath

Every conversation was about how you will walk down
Your wedding day wearing a big
White dress
You played along
Though you imagined a suit
And a pair of converse
To keep it semi casual

Your hair progressively got shorter. Pushing for more inches
To fall to the salon floor
You wanted it
Past your ears
You always hated long hair
Was impractical.
But you still wore that pink
It made your parents happy

Your female
Right?
Please
Tell me I'm female
Theres nothing wrong with me
I'm normal
With masculine wants
And needs
I just wanna know who I am
Who am I?

Nights sitting there daydreaming.
No breasts
A Male physique
She/her made you cringe each time
You heard it
What if your parents found out??
Would they disown you??
Hate you??
You couldn't tell them for 5 years.
You slowly just shoved in more boyish things one those long and painful years till you turned 18.
And you
Were free
To be who you were
Dropping your dead name for
The one
You been using on the internet
For years
Your first chest binder
It made you so happy
Your first men's pants
Your first men's shirts
Things are coming together

He him
Male
Your you
Though the transphobia
And bigotry still is there
Your stepfather refuses
To accept your transitioning
Your mother is trying to be supportive
But
You can tell
It's not all there

It hurts
But one day
You can be happy looking in that
Mirror. And love yourself
Finally
Your free