The Existence of a Disaster

Rant: They Brought You Up Again

> 12-8-2019 <

They brought you up today.
Used our friendship against me.
Told me how much better off I am without you.
Tried to prove that your family was bad for me.
They'll never understand how good it actually was.
How happy you made me.
How many times it kept me from leaving them.
How fucking depressed I am now that your gone.
How much worse I've gotten.

In some ways- yes.
I've gotten better.
I'm no longer the person that constantly made you miserable.
I don't rely on other people anymore.
I may be more fake but I'm consistent like you always told me I should be.

But just because I've done what I told you I would do to make our friendship work doesn't mean that loosing you made that happen.

It was a choice to fix those things.
You encouraged it- I forced it on myself.

Loosing you made me more miserable than I've been in a long time.
I lost my entire support system.
Who am I kidding? I lost my fucking sanity.

So no.
Loosing you didn't make me better. The distance didn't make me better.
The choice to fix things *for* you did.
I really wish they would stop using my choice to justify their lies.