Chasing Fire (Completed)

Chapter 29

Philippines

Our graduation day came and we are the happiest. We took some photos together with my HRM batchmates and friends. I had a picture with Kevin and Danna too ngunit nang sinabi kong silang dalawa ang mag picture ay naging awkward ang atmosphere. My bad.

"Congrats." Lex said then handed me the flowers.

"Thank you!" I smiled then hugged him.

Zandra took a picture of us two and Lex took a picture of me with Mom and Zandra.

These pictures... will become memories. But unlike the memories I had in the Philippines, I will surely remember this day. And will never try and wish to forget this fleeting moment.

But I wish Daddy was here.

Noong magkasama kami ni Daddy, wala si Mom at parati kong hinihiling na sana kasama ko siya. And now, Mommy's here but Daddy isn't. Kahit na malaki ang pagtatampo ko sa kanya, he's still my Dad.

Guess I will never experience having a complete family huh?

I smiled at the camera when a familiar face got my attention. My heart went wild but then I calmed myself down. That can't be. Agad siyang nawala sa paningin ko kaya naisip kong baka nag iilusyon lang ako. He can't be here.

Napansin ko ang pagbaba ni Lex ng camera na hawak niya at agad na lumapit upang magtanong kung ayos lang ba ako. I told them I am not feeling well kaya't umuwi na kami for our simple celebration.

Mom invited her friends and Zandra too. Wala naman akong ma invite dahil sina Danna at Kevin ay nag cecelebrate din ngayon.

Sometimes, it's the little things in life that matter. Living here in Madrid, far from my lifestyle in the Philippines changed me so much. Living here made me realize that I should appreciate even the simplest things.

Like this celebration. Simple but worth a thousand memories.

"Hi Dad." I called him after the celebration.

"Hello Vienna. Congratulations!" He sounded so happy.

And proud.

I haven't seen him for more than four years. Only through video calls. Daddy's physical appearance changed a lot. His white hairs started growing and he became thinner. The wrinkles on his face are like telling me that he is carrying a heavy burden.

But everytime I ask if he's okay, he'll assure me ang tell me not to worry.

I miss Dad.

He cared and love me even without the presence of Mommy. He served as my Mom and Dad for more than thirteen years. Kinaya niyang palakihin ako kahit na wala si Mommy.

He is working for the company so that he could provide whatever I need and want while being my Mom at the same time.

Kailanman ay hindi siya bumisita rito. Hindi rin sila nag-uusap ni Mommy everytime I or he calls. I want to ask why. I have so much questions. Like if he's Zandra's father too or not.

"Thanks Dad. I miss you. And I'm sorry for being mean to you everytime."

Natahimik siya sa kabilang linya hanggang sa marinig ko ang malalim niyang pagbuntong hininga.

"I'm sorry too, Vien." He said very seriously.

Ilang beses na siyang nag sorry sa akin ngunit paulit ulit niya paring sinasabi iyon.  And everytime, I feel sad for him. Na baka nagsisi na siya dahil iniwan ko siyang mag-isa sa Pilipinas. I feel like an evil daughter to leave my Dad alone just like that.

"I told you many times Dad, I'm now okay, alright?" I laughed a little to assure him.

At imbes na sumagot ay ang nahihirapang pag-ubo niya lang ang narinig ko.

"Dad? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay anak. Tumatanda na kasi ako kaya't madaling nagkakasakit." He heartily laughed.

"Don't make me worry Dad. Go and see a doctor for that please."

I heard him coughed again on the other line.

"Don't worry about me. How's your Mom?"

Our talk went on and on and lasted for almost half an hour. He said he was proud of me before we said our goodbyes to each other.

Pagkatapos ng tawag ay halos walang pakealam si Mom na tumawag si Daddy. There is really no hope of reconciliation between the two of them.

"What's with the sad face? You're supposed to be happy." Lex said while we are sitting on the couch.

Mom and Zandra were already asleep in their rooms habang ako naman ay hindi makatulog kaya't hindi na muna umuwi si Lex sa hotel niya para samahan ako.

"Yeah. I wanna be happy but something is really lacking. I don't know." I said honestly.

He played with my fingers and stared at it for a while.

"What is it? Hindi pa rin ba kita napapasaya?" He asked without looking at me.

What.

"No! No Lex. You make me happy everytime, alright? Minsan lang, naiisip ko... paano kung pinigilan ko si Mommy noon na umalis? What if I cried harder and made her stay? Magiging ganito pa rin kaya ang sitwasyon ko?"

"I don't believe in destiny. I think your own decisions decide what your destiny is. But... let me tell you that you deserve the world Vien. And... when the time comes... I will... never leave you and I will let you know... what it feels like to have a complete family,... every single day." He said while looking deep into my eyes.

My heart ached at what he said. Tears formed in my eyes. And because of not wanting this night to be emotional, I faked a laugh.

"What the hell are you saying Lex." I laughed again. "Inaantok na ako."

I ended our conversation like that. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ako komportable sa tuwing pag-uusapan ang mga bagay na iyan. I am not ready to love and to be hurt again.

The next week, I found out that Daddy has a lung carcinoma and needs an operation before it spreads to his nearby tissues and organs. Hindi ko pa sa kanya mismo nalaman! If a relative from Greece didn't ask me about the result of his bronchoscopy, I wouldn't know about it!

Pagkatapos kong nalaman ay agad ko siyang tinawagan and told him I am going back to the Philippines but he refused! And not only that, matagal niya ng dinadala ngunit hindi man lang siya nagsabi!

"I think your Dad is just okay, honey. No need to visit him there." Mom said while I was packing my things.

Hindi ko siya pinansin dahil paulit-ulit niya lang na sinasabi yan at nagpatuloy lang sa pagliligpit.

Napansin ko ang pagpasok ni Lex sa kwarto ko at umupo sa kama katabi ng maleta ko.

"Are you really sure about this Vien? Tito said he's just fine. Don't worry. Babalik rin naman ako ng Pilipinas in two days. I'll check on him for you?" He said.

And I already heard that multiple times from him too at napupuno na ako sa kanilang dalawa.

"I told you I am going back! Why are you all acting like you don't want me to visit Dad! He's diagnosed with lung cancer and you'll tell me he's just okay?! You think I'll be in my right mind here, knowing that my Dad will face an operation alone?!" I snapped.

They stayed silent as tears started to form in my eyes.

"Sa tingin niyo gusto kong bumalik doon? No! But Daddy is in a bad condition and if going back to the Philippines means being with him, then I will! Stop telling me there's no need for me to go back! Ano ba kasi ang meron sa Pilipinas at ayaw na ayaw niyong bumalik ako doon!" I said as my tears fell down and as worry consume my peace.