pain and pacis // gawsten ddlb

-part 8

Awsten unlocked the door happily. He was beyond overjoyed to be able to meet up with Lyss again and be where he was in life. He skipped inside with a grin plastered on his face.
"Hi, Geoff!" He called.
"Hey, Aws. How was it?"
"It was so much fun, thanks!"
Awsten walked to the kitchen to grab a water.

"Hey, I'm watching a movie, wanna join?" Geoff questioned from the living room.
"Yeah, one second."
Moments later, Awsten walked into the living room and sat next to Geoff. They watched the movie for a while until Geoff piped up nervously.
"Hey, Aws... can I ask you something?"
"Have at it."
"W-were you still dating Logan when we first... y'know... fucked?"
"...involuntary, yeah."
"Oh," Geoff replied, dejected.
"Why?"
"I'm just, I don't know, disappointed."
Awsten's lip trembled. "Why?"
"I figured you were more faithful, that's all."
"Geoff, he abused me!" Awsten raised his voice.
"I know, but I figured you'd at least be loyal until you officially broke up with him."
A tear fell down Awsten's rosy cheek.
"G-Geoff, I couldn't help it, I needed to get out, I-"
"Okay, lets just stop talking about it," Geoff suggested.
"No! Why don't you understand!" Awsten cried. "I was trapped!"
"No, I understand!"
"You don't, Geoff! You don't!" Awsten screamed, glaring at his lover.
"Yes, I do, honey!" Geoff placed his hand on Awsten's shoulder.
He promptly shook it off.
"Well then why would you bring it up?"
"I was upset that you were unfaithful! I felt tricked, Aws! Why don't YOU understand?"
"Maybe you're just like him." Awsten's voice shook violently.
That hit Geoff hard.
"No! I-"
"Seriously, fuck you on every level. God damnit."
"Awsten!"
"Just fucking leave me alone!" Awsten howled as he ran into the bathroom.

Geoff heard the door slam shut from across the house.

Awsten shrank against the door, crying so hard that no sound escaped. He had upset Geoff. The one person he had felt completely comfortable with. The one person who had taken him in and showed him what real love was. Of course, he didn't MEAN those things, but how could Geoff be so ignorant? He glanced down at the scars lining his arm.

Late, late, late, late, late.

He stood up tenderly. Now, where were those razors? He used them quite frequently to shave. They had to be somewhere. Awsten shuffled through a bunch of drawers until he finally found the one. He picked up a particularly sharp blade. No longer would he need to be reminded of Logan when he looked down. He held his arm out.

3,2,1, slice. Awsten watched the blood slowly collect at the new wound and trickle out.
He brought the razor down again. Soon, he had an entire word covered up.

Late, late, late, late.

The small cuts dragged on.

Late, late, late.

Awsten winced in pain as his skin grew more sensitive.

Late, late.

Furious pounding on the door from the other side.

Late.

A couple drags from the razor.

A cut up arm. Awsten pushed his sleeve down. He didn't plan on killing himself, just wanted the brutal reminder of his past abuser gone. If he happened to die from blood loss, it didn't faze him. He washed off the razor and watched as the red seeped through his pink sweatshirt.
Awsten opened the bathroom door. Geoff was waiting right outside of it.

"Awsten, give me your arm."
The boy stared at Geoff and bumped past him.
"Aws, I'm not kidding." Geoff chased after Awsten and grabbed the red sleeve.
Awsten struggled to wriggle out of his grasp as Geoff pushed it up.
"Oh my god, Awsten. We need to go."
"What do you care? I'm unfaithful anyway!" Awsten sneered.
"I didn't mean that Awsten! I was just frustrated!"
"Well if you're so frustrated, leave me to die! I dare you!" Awsten hissed, staring into Geoff's crystal blue eyes. He remembered the first time he'd seen them.
"I love you too much to let that happen," Geoff's voice broke.
He grabbed his phone and dialed 911.