⚠️Depression and suicidal thoughts/mentions⚠️
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November 25...
It's been hard. I don't know what else to write, it feels like I'm in a bubble and I can't pop it. I see everyone on the outside and I think they're mocking me. I know they're not, that's the worst part, being able to tell that it's not true but not being able to convince yourself it isn't. Some times I just sit in a ball and can't do anything I can't feel anything, I can't even cry. I want so badly to let my emotions out but I can't, my body and mind refuse to let me. I'm going to keep trying though.
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December 6...
I can't feel, but at the same time, I feel it all. I don't want to be alone but I also want to be alone. Everything is confusing and trying to figure out the confusing things just makes it worse. I don't know what to do at this point. I think May knows is struggling but she's always at work, and I don't want to bother her. She works so hard to keep our apartment, we'll ours.
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December 24...
It's Christmas Eve and I am supposed to spend it with Ned and his family. Me, May and the Leeds. That's the problem, I can't blame Ned for not wanting to talk to me. Who wants to talk to someone whose depressed all the time. I guess he just didn't know what to do and it was too overwhelming when he found me on the floor of my bathroom.
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December 25...
Mr.Stark Invited May and me to the tower for Christmas day. I'm supposed to be getting ready now but I don't know how in going to hide my pain from him. It's almost like he has some kind of radar. Which is sweet but it just stresses me out more. I have to work on keeping my wrists covered, my hands steady, and my breathing even. Also, the tears, because ever since last night I can't seem to stop, it takes so much effort to block the waterfalls.
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We walked up to the door and May knocked. I breathed.
Tony opened the door and greeted us. I breathed.
We walked in and sat down, I breathed.
May went to the kitchen with Pepper to get snacks, Tony asked how I had been. I stopped breathing."Uum, good T-tony good, how have you been" I subconsciously pulled down my shirt sleeves.
"It's been alright, I miss having you over here all the time though"
"Yeah, school uh, schools been a lot lately. You know a lot of tests to study for."
"Yeah, I can only imagine. At least you've had this break though. I've been meaning to ask how has Ned been. I haven't seen him in a while"
I froze, the one thing I didn't want to talk about. At that moment I mumbled a short "good" and sat in silence.
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When I asked the kid about Ned he seemed to freeze. Something was up, I noticed him tugging slightly at his shirt sleeves earlier.
I look back over at him and his eyes are slightly clouded. "Pete?" No response. "Pete?""He does that sometimes. I guess it fills the pain" May says as she walks in sitting on the other couch with Pepper.
"What do you mean?"
"I think it's disassociation, but I'm not a psychologist so I wouldn't know for sure. As for the pain, he's been different lately. He hasn't talked about Ned in a while or the new LEGO sets they want to build together"
"Hmm, Friday would you know anything?"
"I think, let me check reports. Yes here it says-"
"NO, Friday please stop" peter cried out and then sprinted to the bathroom.
I get up and run after him, he turns into the bathroom and falls to the floor. He curls in on himself and I immediately go to him and pull him into my arms. "Bubba? Everything is not ok, I know but I'm going to help you ok" my heart aches for this small kid and I carry him to his room.
He seems asleep, or almost asleep so I turn to leave. "Ssss"
"What bubba?"
"Stay?" How could I ignore that, he's hurt.
"Of course" I sit down on the bed next to him and he puts his head on my lap.
"G'night dad"
"Good night son" I smile, maybe it will be ok. Maybe it won't, either way I will be there for him.
YOU ARE READING
Peter Parker // Whump
FanfictionSo I've decided to complete this whump list for no other reason besides the fact I'm bored. This book will have many trigger warnings (I mean it is whump) so please be careful don't read this if it will cause you more harm than good. •••••••• If you...