Reincarnated Hearts 1: MY 1905 SENIORITA

Seniorita 25

Seniorita 25

Selina:

"Hija? Kanina mo pa minamasdan ang painting ng mama mo.." Puna sa'kin ni papa Fred. It was almost half an hour in standing and staring at my mother's lovely and stunning painting.

Finally, I looked down to glance my father. Na-kakamiss talaga si mama. If she was still alive, she would have told me her great wisdom lalo na sa sitwasyon ko ngayon.

"I miss her too, hija.. So much.." Papa added. I bitterly smiled saka ko niyakap si papa ng mahigpit. He was still in his electric wheelchair habang nakasunod ang dal'wang private nurses niya.

"Pa?" I breathe an air. Sasabihin ko sa kaniya ang kondisyon ko ngayon that bugged me so much. This personality disorder I was having—baka meron na ako nito noon pang bata ako. I wanna asked papa Fred—if I was insane or what. "..when I was a child, have you heard a name 'Sinaya'?" I felt my father loosen his arms for him to stared at me—sobrang gulat ito ngayon.

Did he know something about my personality disorder?

"S-Sinaya?" Ulit nito sa pangalan ko. Why?

I held my father's cold hands. Dama ko ang nerbyos sa kaibuturan niya ngayon—but I didn't intend to feel him such. Baka kung ano pa ang mangyari sa kaniya at atakehin na naman siya!

"Papa, you don't have to answer that now.. It's okay—"

"I know, hija. I definitely know about..Sinaya." Papa cutted me off. So, alam niya na may personality disorder ako? So, noon pa talaga ay gan'to na ako?

Seemed the nurses felt how serious the conversation was and left us two alone inside my parent's room. Papa gestured me to take a seat, so I did.

"So, who..is she?" I was more now of Selina and I wanted to know more about Sinaya. She was seemed so silent and I couldn't hear her thoughts inside me—since I flew back in the Philippines. Gusto ko ring ipagpasalamat yun!

"Sinaya fell in love to Lukas." Hell, right! Tumingin si papa sa painting ni mama—I followed his eyes. He really knew about this—pero ba't alam niya ang storya ng buhay ko bilang Sinaya?

I was just asking if he knew whom Sinaya was but papa answered me more than that!

"But Lukas failed to fight Sinaya's love." My heart thrashed so fast. May kutob ako while staring at mama's painting. Kaya ba ang painting din ni mama ang una kong pinuntahan nang dumating ako? Was there a bond? An eerie connection between me and mom?

I wanna know more..

"Your mama Estela told me that story, of course.." What? Papa Fred sadly smiled back at me. Was this very same story already..existed?

Nagugulohan ako lalo!

"..she told me she was once Sinaya and no, I was not her Lukas, hija. The guy she named Lukas, was not Lukas anymore. Their love failed again until I saved your mama. Ipinatingin ko rin ang sakit niya pero she's perfectly healthy and fine—when she met me hindi na rin muling bumalik pa ang kaniyang sakit and never mentioned Lukas anymore. Whomever that guy was, nagpapasalamat ako sa kaniya kasi naging kami ng mama mo—but God took her too soon.. Just too soon.." W-What..? All pain registered to my father's face as he told me that. Mama Estela had this personality disorder before and the story was all the same? And now, it was repeating on me?

What is this sh*t?

"Hija, paano mong nalaman ang tungkol kay Sinaya? Have you found your mom's diary?" M-Meron din diary si mama? Pero tumango ako—guess, this was not the time I should be telling this to my ill father.. Ayokong mag-alala siya! No..

"Y-Yes, papa. Yes, kaya ako nagtanong about that. I was confused, thank you for telling that to me.. I am also happy that you found mama.." Mangiyak-ngiyak ako as I finally said that before bidding farewell to papa Fred. Syempre, I had to lie that Lutther was waiting for me.. At kahit na gusto kong matulog dito sa sarili naming bahay—I just couldn't not after we'll end our one year contract.

Hanggang sa makarating ako sa bagong biling bahay namin ni Lutther—I was still bugged by my father's story.

Si mama Estela was once Sinaya, who had this personality disorder pero nawala rin when she found papa Fred at the end.

She was gone too soon.. Papa's voice echoed. Yes, I was still young when mama Estela died.

Once in my dream, Sinaya died of defending Lukas.

I found myself looking at my full-length mirror here in my own bedroom—I meant it literary. Kwarto ko 'to. Of course, I and Lutther should have separate rooms.

"In my dream, you were..shot—dead." I was hell talking to myself habang nakatingin sa sarili ko. I was too haggard! Bakas ang ilang gabing wala akong tulog—I was distressed and I loathed myself for consuming stressors in my life.. I took off my dress and let it flow down upto my toes.

"This birthmark," I touched my birthmark na nasa gilid ng tiyan ko. That nightmare.. She was shot here—I felt that excruciating pain right here..

Es una cicatriz. Usted fue asesinado por un disparo.

It is a scar. You were killed by a gun shot.

My thoughts were talking to me—responding. My split persona was here again! This was so f***ing uncanny or was I becoming senseless?

Selina, makinig ka.. Her voice inside my brain was in agony. I felt the coldness of her trembled voice and it stinged my heart. Why? What's happening?

You'll end the same fate as mine. She was very sad and now sobbing. Nararamdaman ko ang bigat ng damdamin niya ngayon and I hell knew—Lutther was surely part of it!

"W-What do you mean by that?" I uttered. Kung may makakakita sa'kin ngayon na nakikipag-usap sa sarili ko sa salamin—surely will give a notion that I was definitely gone insane! But I was not—she was talking to me right now—my half persona was talking to me and she needed help!

This is my last chance, Selina. Ito na ang panghuling buhay na ibinigay sa'kin para makita si Lukas.. Umiyak ito sa isipan ko. She was cyring and now my tears were flowing too! The hell.. Of course, she was her inside me—we were bonded! Y cada vez que no logré persuadir a Lucas para que me amara de nuevo, muero. Y yo soy tú, Selina. Estoy atrapado aquí dentro de tu cuerpo. Tú eres yo. And everytime I failed to persuade Lukas to love me again, I die. And I is you, Selina. I am stuck here inside your body. You are me.

W-What? Ibig-sabihin, we'll share the same fate kasi nandito siya sa katawan ko!

Naiintindihan ko lahat ng sinabi niya—lahat..

If papa Fred's story was right—nang sabihin nito na si Mama Estela was once Sinaya. Kaya rin ba maagang namatay si mama?

Mahinang-mahina ako ngayon, Selina—dahil pilit mong kinakalimutan si Lukas..

Hindi na niya ako naalala. Only I could reach him through his dreams.. Selina, ipaalala mo kay Lukas kung gaano ko siya kamahal.. Le ayuda a recordar que lo amo tanto. Help him remember that I love him so much.

Or we'll both die, Selina.

Selina, please..

Her aching voice was fading as my vision were in blurry and suddenly all went black to me.

"Selina!"