CRYBABY

XIV- What's The Difference?

Lisa

The night comes, and I hopelessly surrender to my loneliness.

Memories, creep inside my head- I tolerate my silence like it was the easiest thing to do. Behind closed doors, I was a normal human. Hugging herself from the cold, and from the dead silence of guilt.

You see, I never gave guilt a chance to let it take over me.

I would pretend, but every mask had its own time of fall.

I stare off at the distance, pushing the rage inside my heart into the air. I would swallow it, but this time I didn't. Even when the door slowly opened, and she came and sat next to me. I didn't even move as I was frozen in the spot.

"You left the door open".

"Yes, I did".

"But why?".

I turned my head slowly to my left, to meet her gaze. "Why do you like to question everything at once?".

"I'm a curious person, that's how I am". She crossed her arms, feeling so offended by my question.

I looked away, the lump that formed in my throat was hard to swallow, and I knew it was coming. The breakdown was coming.

"Why are you here?".

Jennie was looking at my face, trying to study it. I directed my teary gaze at the wall. I knew if I looked at her I would breakdown, but the pain inside my heart was just too much for me to carry. "You're refusing to look at me, what's wrong?".

I didn't answer.

"Lisa?".

I couldn't answer.

"Lisa talk to me".

I shouldn't answer.

"You—". I cut her off with my harsh voice, "What?!".

She looked taken aback, but my heart wasn't fonder of any hurt that traced her eyes. I balled my fist, striking my rage at her for no reason. I knew she was confused.

"Why are you snapping at me?".

"I just want to make sure—".

"That I'm okay? And why? Do you even care?". I asked, tears already filling my eyes. "You don't. Now get out of here before I lock you in that damn room again".

"I'm not leaving".

"At least, not until I know what's wrong".

I shrugged my head and tried to not look in her eyes, something about her begged me to let her hold me but I just couldn't.

"Lisa look at me".

Her hand touched my jaw that was clenched- I flinched and stared at the blank wall, that was calling on me to stay and to not listen to the comfort she was trying to give.

And I did, I looked at her.

Which was a mistake I've made.

Because, at this moment, she saw how weak I became. Her facial expression softened, which didn't ease my insides. She was pitying me.

I don't like pity.

Tears easily fall as I look into her eyes. Her hand was still on my jaw, but she was tracing it. She looked so scared to touch me.

And I hate how fragile she made me look.

Jennie's other hand found my shoulder but I flinched again, and shrugged my head gently, "Stop..".

"Don't get too close". I warned.

"And what're you going to do about that?". She teased.

I slowly stood up and pulled her by her wrist to the other room.

"You can't be that stubborn to lock me up just because I'm offering help".

"I don't need your help". I was about to close the door but she didn't let me, her voice one more time whispered. "Lisa?".

I looked back at her, wiping my tears away. If I don't let them go, they will dry easier remaining unfree. "Please let me in..".

Her delicate voice didn't stop me now, and it can't stop me.

"I don't think I can Jennie". I faintly smiled.

"Letting people in isn't me".