What I Need

30: Everything comes back to you

3/8

"I wonder if that's how darkness wins, by convincing us to trap it inside ourselves, instead of emptying it out. I don't want it to win." - My Heart and Other Blackholes; Jasmine Warga

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"Well?" 

Wheein tilts her head to the right. "No, no. This doesn't fit the concept." She sighs as she frowns. Hyejin nods her head patiently. "I'll recheck with the others." She hums back and Wheein says a quick thank you.

Chaeyoung looks at the materials laying around and spaces out. "Hey," She jumps. Chaeyoung's eyes widen. "Oh, hey." She smiles back.

"How're you doing?" Wheein asks sweetly and Chaeyoung sighs. "I'm alright." She shrugs nonchalantly. Chaeyoung didn't know how to feel. 

"I'm sorry we had to invite you to help us out with this farewell party, no one knows Lisa like you do." Wheein runs her hands through the brush she held in her hand. Chaeyoung nods, "I get it." She says vaguely.

Chaeyoung knows it's a lie to make her feel better. After all, she's certain Jisoo knew Lisa more than she did. 

"Wheein-ah!" Hyejin calls.

"I'll be right back." She gives her a light tap on the shoulder and Chaeyoung nods her head. She sighs quietly to herself for the hundredth time today.

Last week, about four days after the conversation they had, Lisa announced that she was officially going back to Thailand. Chaeyoung's toes curl at the thought of Lisa leaving. She gnaws on her tongue nervously.

"Unnie!" She calls out. Wheein and Jisoo turn heads enthusiastically. "I'm going to get some air!" She waves and they chorus an okay. Chaeyoung rigidly walks out of the small apartment Jennie was able to get for the party being held in three days time.

Today was the party, another two days of school, and then a day after Lisa would be heading to Thailand. Chaeyoung makes her way to the elevator. She rubs her eyes tiredly.

She spent the entire night thinking about what to get Lisa. Her thoughts kept going back to flowers, but she knew she had to be more original. Chaeyoung lightly taps the button on the elevator as the doors begin to shut.

She nervously rubs her hands together. Her eyes feel heavy from the thoughts of yesterday keeping her up.

Chaeyoung bites her tongue as the elevator opens again. Her head spins a little as she gets off, the fresh air of the roof hitting her.

She takes a puff of it.

"What's wrong with me?" She clenches her jaw quietly.

She rotates her wrist carefully. Chaeyoung always felt like she knew it all. Like she knew what college to go to, whom to befriend, how to keep a reputation, and maybe something that's impossible for now-- how to keep her feelings in check.

She twiddles a couple strands of hair in her figers carefully.

She liked Lisa, she knew she couldn't deny it. Her eyes gleam at the way the sun sets. However, Lisa was leaving in less than a week.

Chaeyoung couldn't bring herself to be selfish enough to tell Lisa to stay.

Or so she tries to convince herself. She wants to spit it out, but at the end of the day she wont. Lisa shouldn't leave her sister for her.

Chaeyoung clenches her jaw again.

"So that's it?" She sighs. "I say goodbye just like everyone else and then that's it?" Frustration builds up inside her at the thought of that.