The Gentlemen Series 6: Chris, The Macho Lawyer (SELF-PUBLISHED)

THIRTY-FIVE

Still

Chris' POV

I didn't know how long I've stayed here at the seaside. Looking at the still waves of the sea somehow calmed my heart. It gave me inner peace, even if it's just too little and short.

This is what I actually need at this moment. A moment to breathe. A moment to let the pain wash over me. A moment to let the truth sink in in my system.

I'm hurting but I'm not blaming anyone. I blame myself for being an asshole. For being a jerk. For being a useless bastard. For being nothing.

I knew what I was getting into when I let myself fell in love with someone who was definitely out of my league. But I took the risk. I allowed her to melt my frozen heart. I gave her access to enter my plain and sorrowful life.

She loves me. I know that. I could feel it the way she looked at me. The way she smiled at me. The way she touched me. I don't deserve each one of them. And what I did was a complete failure to her part. I let her fell in love with me but I was a big fool for not being responsible for it. I took her feelings for granted.

If only I could have handle things the way it is supposed to be handled, hindi sana umabot sa puntong lalayuan niya ako. Kung pwede ko lang itama ang mga pagkakamali ko, I would do it in a fucking heartbeat. If only I knew how to keep her beside me without hurting her.

But shits were rushing down together, pouring its weight over me that I lose focus. I forgot that she might get hurt with my irresponsible actions. I didn't know na ganun na pala kalala ang mga nagagawa kong pagkakamali sa kanya. Na nasasaktan ko na pala siya.

But I don't plan to stay dumb and hopeless for the rest of my life. I have to do something to get her back. To win her back.

Ayokong maglakad ulit sa madilim na daan na tila walang katapusan, nangangapa at walang damdamin.

Veronica made me see the light because she was THAT light. She gave me reasons to live again. She made me hope for the betterment of my world.

She is my redemption.

"Topher, I've been looking for you everywhere." Hingal na sambit ni Rosalie.

Tiningala ko ito. Ang maalon na buhok nito ay nililipad ng hangin. She gathered her hair to the side of her neck because it was blocking her sight.

Nanatiling nakakunot ang aking noo. "Something's wrong at the guest house?"

She took a deep breath and sat beside me. "Kanina ka pa kasi lumabas ng guest house at ang tagal mo kakong umuwi. I'm worried."

"I'm fine, Rosalie. How's Echo?" Hindi ko mapigilang lakipan ng iritasyon ang boses ko. She went outside to look for me while she left the kid at the house?

"He's sleeping now. Pinatignan ko muna sa yayang kinuha mo para sa kanya." She paused for a second. "Naaawa ako sa pamangkin ko, Topher."

Napapikit ako. Tila may kung ilang karayom ang tumutusok sa ulo ko. "Kahit ako man, Rosalie. But we should not hide the truth from him. He needs to know as soon as possible."

"I can't, Topher. He's too young to understand this whole mess. Hindi kakayanin ng bata. Hindi ko kayang makitang nasasaktan si Echo. My twin had caused him enough damage. I don't want to add another scar in his little heart."

"Rosalie, I can't tolerate this anymore. Malalaman at malalaman din niyang pareho natin siyang niloloko. We can't act as his parents in front of him. You are not his mother and I am not his father. Ang ipaunawa natin sa kanya ay ang katotohanang mamahalin pa rin natin siya sa kabila ng lahat."