Balance of Probabilities // Billie Eilish

idontwannabeyouanymore

Whoever the fuck said they worked well under pressure and the best work is created under pressure, obviously wasn't prepping for their undergrad law mid-term finals.

I don't want to be this way, but I'm literally falling apart at least twice a day. And that's on my empty tear ducts.

I do however have one final exam left but it's the one I've been dreading the most.

"Hello?" I mindlessly answered my phone as it began ringing.

"Hey pretty girl, what are you up to?" Billie's smooth voice filled my ears and just like that my stress and anxiety levels simmered down to the lowest they'd been since the last time I saw or spoke to her.

"Cramming in study before my exam tomorrow. Morgan is with our study group, but I just didn't feel like going, I couldn't be bothered with dealing with rich kids who think they are right every damn time"

Our study group consisted of a group of around six of us. And of course apart from myself they were all there because their parents are lawyers who paid for them. I'm always talked over and even when I'm right, I'm still wrong.

I always thought the immature, high school clique attitude left after high school... but apparently not. Just because I don't come from money doesn't mean I'm made from a broken mold.

"Well I'm in the area coming home from an event and was wondering if I could sleep over?"

"Uh I don't know Bil, it's just I'm studying for my exam and it's worth a lot for my grade this semester and I can't afford to fail you know? And I—"

"Lex, calm down and take a breath. You're making up excuses because you're stressed, but I know you too well. I'll be there in ten" and with that Billie hung up while I waited in anticipation for her arrival.

Changing out of my jeans and top into more comfortable attire, of sweatpants and one of Billie's hoodies I waited by the door.

As soon as the door opened, I lunged myself into Billies arms and wrapped my legs around her waist as she hoisted up, wrapping her arms under me.

"Miss me?" she laughed and closed the door swiftly.

"Very much so" I peppered her chin with kisses making her sigh contently and close her eyes.

"I missed you too pretty" she finally gave me a kiss but pulled away with a concerned look on her face. Grabbing my cheek Billie moved my head in every direction possible as she examined my face.

"What?" I whined, trying to move my head out her strong grip.

"Your lips are chapped, you look like you haven't slept in days and you're jittery from what I'm guessing is coffee. Baby you need to look after yourself, I can't always be around to make sure you're staying hydrated and sleeping enough"

My heart has exploded and not from the overconsumption of caffeine, which Billie is completely correct bout. But from the sheer care she gives me.

We aren't even officially a couple yet, but I feel like she's my girlfriend. I mean she's introduced me to her friends and some people as 'her girl' when we've been out, but neither of us have made a move to make things official.

But I do plan on changing that soon.

"I know" I hid my head in the crook of her neck, loving the feeling of her hand running up and down my back and sides "I've been too busy to be drinking water and getting any sleep. Plus I can't really sleep by myself anymore"

"What do you mean?" Billie laid down on my bed, keeping me laying on top of her.

"I can't sleep without you anymore" I told her quietly as my cheeks flamed up.