Banana Fish short stories | ✔

Ash of Gold & Jade

Warning: Attempt to explore Ash's personality lies ahead. Read at your own risk.

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The thing about Ash was, he wasn't strong. Shorter thought he was, his gang thought he was, his whole world thought so. Eiji thought so too, even when he completely showed him his ugly side. Dino expected him to be nothing less than perfect. He wasn't. He was good at fooling everybody into thinking otherwise.

Ash loved Eiji.

Eiji was a lighthouse, safe during a storm brewing outside. Suddenly, the war wasn't only personal. Eiji was there, he was there to share it. There were hundreds of boys - children and adults alike, living on the wicked side of society, hoping that maybe, something will change. But as time passed, they would realize that nobody can help them, that their lives will forever be a series of one tragedy after another, and if somebody were to come and tell them otherwise, it would be too late. 

They already hated the world. 

Ash still loved Eiji.

From those hundreds of boys, Ash never realized how was it that he alone managed to find unconditional love. He, who never even thought something like that will happen. He thought about his golden hair and jade eyes and wondered how would his life turned up if he was born without them. 

Ash was on the edge of the abyss. Abyss was cold and lonely. It was filled with pain, numb, or burning kind alike. He never let himself fall completely in it. Even when he was dragged and pushed in it, he would always try to crawl out. But he couldn't go further than its edge. 

For all those years Ash lived in the abyss. He saw so many things. He learned so many things, but nobody asked him if he wanted it or not. He had to. Instead of jumping at his own shadow, he learned to go along with it. To fool and please and never expect or hope. 

It was like that until Eiji came, with a kind smile and an open arm. He led Ash away from the pit. He showed him that there was a world beyond it. Ash liked it, but shackles put on him by demons kept pulling him back. He never could leave completely. Eiji was fine with that, he sat with him as far away from the abyss as they could. 

In the very end, he asked himself, were their worlds that different.

Was it bad timing of his meeting with Eiji that led to this event? Was it his appearance? Faulty rules of society? There were many things, people, and occurrences to blame. Ash didn't put the blame on others as much as he put it on himself. The world was unfair. It was the toughest lesson to learn in life.

Ash already learned it. At least he thought he did but Eiji loved him.

Ash loved dusk and dawn. Watching the sunrise was one of his favorite times. Except then he stepped out into bright sunlight from the darkness and sunrise seemed to blend in the day. It didn't seem as special, it seemed natural.

Ash slipped into brief intimacy, he let himself fall, and he never recovered. In the end, only Ashes were left in the place of Gold and Jade. Its brilliance that burned out was the cause of its own downfall.

Ash didn't meet Eiji at the wrong time, because the right people are timeless. He met Eiji in perfect time to let him see his enchanting brilliance dim down and leave only Ash behind. 

Ash still loved Eiji.

Eiji loved Ash. Jade & Gold's brilliance couldn't compare to Ash.

Ash loved Eiji. Enough to fight for him; Sacrifice himself, and everything else when it was needed. Enough to do the worst thing imaginable, for him. His main priority was to keep Eiji safe because he thought safe Eiji was happy Eiji but he was wrong. His love was so deep, strong, pure, and complex. Eiji brought him a sense of peace and happiness when he was around. Ash loved him enough to give away everything. But Ash wasn't strong enough to realize that safety isn't automatically happiness and that Eiji doesn't think the way he does. 

In his last moments, he thought of Eiji. He made a mistake thinking he was doing the right thing. Eiji's tears proved that. 

He wasn't Aslan anymore, his brightness dimmed. 

He was Ash but Eiji still loved him. 

Not because of golden hair or jade eyes. It was because his soul is calm and lit when he's around. Everything feels right with Ash by his side. He could never find words to explain it to Ash, but he searched for them.

Their relationship wasn't peaches and cream, it was a beautiful tragedy; as beautiful as a rose with its thorns. Eiji still cherished it, and he vowed to prove it to Ash; for the rest of their lives.

That he loved Ash, and Ash loved him. You can make whatever you want out of it.