At 30

Day 26: You Don't Have To Be Scared

Chapter Twenty Six

My whole family is here today. At 8am sharp, Callie and Newton were knocking on my door. Hard. After a whole day planning my own funeral, they really thought I need to talk to someone. Today, I am going to see a therapist.

Jonathan suggested that. He thought it would be a good idea to just... talk. To a professional. My family put up a strong front but I know deep down they are worried, and maybe even scared. But I'm really okay. And I want them to all be okay. If the fact that they think talking to a therapist is going to make me okay, which makes them okay, then okay.

I made an appointment with one of the best therapists in the area. When the doctor called my name and smiled, I suddenly feel nervous. I hesitated for a moment before finally dragging myself in.

"Hi, I am Dr Carrie. You must be Evelyn!"

Doctor Carrie is all smiles. I just met her but she already seems like the brightest and kindest person in the world. No wonder she's doing this for a living.

"Yes, you can just call me Eve."

"What would you like to talk about, Eve?"

"I'm sick. Cancer actually. And I'm dying in probably about four days."

"How do you feel?"

This is the first time someone didn't stare right back at me shocked. I almost wanted to cry. Doctor Carrie looks at me like I'm... normal.

"I feel weird. But not like a bad weird."

"How weird?"

"For some reason, I'm not scared. Is it bad that I'm not scared?"

"Do you want to be scared?"

"No."

"Then you don't have to be."

I didn't reply. I don't know what to say. I kept my silence while Doctor Carrie just looks warmly at me.

"I guess I feel really guilty for leaving behind my family. They are being really brave."

"I think you're very brave too, Eve."

We spend the remaining time that we have gossiping about celebrities. Doctor Carrie really likes Natalie Portman and I'm not surprised. I told her about my funeral plans and she said it's really cool. I ended up inviting her.

When the session ended, Doctor Carrie walks me out. She gave me a hug and waved goodbye. I got into my car and drove home. Maybe my family were right. I do need to talk. I went home and for the first time, I feel relieved.

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