At 30

Day 25: If Somehow I don't Die

Chapter Twenty Five

I have five more days. Five days left to the day I'm allegedly going to die. I'm feeling more pain with each passing day. I look even more sick and ugly with each passing day. Today, I'm going to plan my own funeral.

I'm messy but I am very organised. I know it doesn't make sense but yes it also does. I like planning stuff. Birthdays, celebrations, parties, gatherings et cetera. But I really hate it when people plan stuff for me. It is seriously going to kill me to see my own family planning my funeral.

I've got to be honest. I have never planned a funeral. Duh. But I am weirdly excited. With all due respect, funerals are dull and blah. Yes, it is the last place where people gather to show respect and love for the deceased but nah, it is boring. I want my funeral to be a full-on party house.

I went on google to research on how to plan a funeral. There are five steps.

Step one: First calls. Call people who are going to be involved in this funeral, other than the star, a.k.a, me. I did inform my family that I will be planning my own funeral. So that's done. I called the hospital for a deathbed situation and they had the basics settled. Step one, check.

Step two: Transportation. What vehicle do I want my body to lay on when they drive me from the hospital to the funeral home? I am really stuck between a limousine and a party bus. After getting a scolding from my very angry mother, I decided on the limousine. The limousine rental shop was shocked. I guess that is the weirdest service they ever had to deliver. Step two, check.

Step three: Funeral services. I met up with a funeral director. Not to mention, she was wide eye the whole time. Guess she's another person who has never heard of someone planning their own funeral. I am someone with slight claustrophobic and I don't think I'll do so well with I had a burial. The meeting ended with me choosing for cremation and the funeral director thinking I'm crazy. Step three, check.

Step four: Funeral and memorial products. I did some shopping for this step. I went to buy myself a coffin and urn. I chose the white marble one because it looks the prettiest. Maybe the theme of my funeral can be white colour instead of the usual black. I also went ahead and behind the back of my mum to book a bar. I even pick the prettiest selfie I have of myself as my funeral photo. I told you, I want my funeral to be a party! Step four, check.

Step five: Estate, financial, and administrative matters. I announced that I will be moving out of my loft two days ago, so that's done. I have already divided the remaining asset that I have to my family. I even started a college fund for both Callie and Newton. I also had someone to send out the letter I wrote to my family. Step five, check.

I went home completely exhausted. I look back at all the details of my funeral and I was very happy with it. If somehow, I don't die, it is just going to be a normal party. I will use the coffin as my new coffee table.

~