Love was never said to Loretta, she had no Idea of what that was. She just know she was being cared for. She did as she was told, never talked back, nor mumbled . She was eating three meals a day, and had a place to call home. She never packed her cloths, or say good-by to anyone, especially to her sister. The last two children of six to leave. Tina remained with dad, ( why was Loretta's question), but in the end he told Tina she had to move out too, because people talk. She went to live with one of the brothers.
Loretta missed her sister and one day she asked if she could go to her old church. She missed going there too. She knew her sister would be there, and she was. Loretta asked her to walk her home ,she knew she could come and visit her there. Sure enough she started coming over every Sunday. They had a chance to eat together, sit and talk. Loretta finally had her sister back, she could not live there but, it was good to be able to see her, go places with her, and just talk. Loretta became pregnant at the age of fourteen. Had no idea what that was about. Never went to a Doctor, she didn't know to do that. One day her mother-in-law told her to go to the doctor at a hospital that did not do well with blacks. She was left sitting in the waiting area for ever. She was not call to a room. The Doctor came to the waiting area and asked her what was she there for. Loretta told him they say she was pregnant, his reply was, " look down at yourself, it looks like a pregnant uterus to me" and he left her standing there. Loretta just hunched her shoulders and went home. She repeated what was said to her mother- in Law, and went looking for her sister.
Loretta knew it was time to go register for school for the ninth grade. She and her sister was happy about that and this was all in the sixties. She was standing in line to get her books for her classes and was taken to the principles office. Once there he asked her what was she there for. She said proudly, "I'm here to register for school". He looked at her with discuss, you are a disgrace. Aren"t you pregnant? Loretta replyed, " thats what they say." " Well you can't come here". Hurt and feeling bad Loretta left out of the office. Her sister asked her what happened, "he said I was a disgrace so I couldn't register". Loretta just went home.
One night Loretta's husband was in another room with one of the roomers in the house. It was a lot of arguing going on, she did't know not to tell on him. The woman had screamed and he had ran out of her room. Her mother-in-law was fussing and cursing that night. Then he had a girl from across the street in the basement, another argument. Loretta told that he was feeding the dog beer and this time her mother-in-law hit him with a broom, and told him to get out. Loretta was happy not thinking she would have to go too. He said if he leaves Loretta has to come too because she is my wife. First Loretta's mother - in -law said no, but he called the police, which meant Loretta did have to go. This was heart breaking to Loretta. They stayed with one of her brother's and his wife.One night Loretta, and her brother had words, and he started just shaking her. His wife came out saying do you not know she is pregnant stop doing that. He stop and stormed out of the house. Loretta's mother- in- law was picking her up to go shopping that following day. Loretta told her that everytime she move she wets herself, Her mother-in-law yelled, "Oh lord your water done broke". "Put this towel between your leg, get in the back seat cause I need to go get your husband". Loretta was confussed," and asked are we still going shopping"? No her Mother-in-Law said," I need to get you to the hospital". Once they got to the hospital the nurses said early labor at seven months. Loretta was put to sleep, had no idea she had a baby. He was three pounds, and was being taken to another town that could help the baby. His weight dropped to two pounds five ounces. He was in the hospital for eight weeks. Her husband would not find a way to go pick the baby up so he could come home. Loretta had to ask her Father. This was a hard time for her. Once back at the mother-in-Laws house, who help with the baby. Husband hardly ever around, and things was good.
Poem " Love"
A four letter word that I never heard, it had no meaning and seemed to be lost somewhere down the line, through space and time. will it ever come to mnid. Lips never whispered it, and ears never heard it. What is love can someone explain, is it something that makes you sane. I guess it is something I will never know, because no one said it not even a boe. but with head held high and things put on a shelf I turned that word into Loving Myself.
