Loretta was hurting and upset at what everyone thought she had done. She had to face the family, who thought she was the reason her oldest sister got into a mess, when it was the other way around. She often wondered how did that guy find her, why did her sister leave her with a man she did not know. How could they blame her, and yet no one asked her what happened to her. She never was able to tell her story to them. No one really cared. Loretta and her son had to live with her other sister Tina.. She did not want to face her, thinking she thought the same thing. She went and bought some ting ti drink, and was a little bit drunk. She thought that people drink for a reason, and this would help her when she went home to face her sister. When she walked in the door, her sister asked her why was she drinking. Loretta's heart was broken, and once she started talking she had told her sister everything. She even went back to when her father took away her dreams for her life. Her sister began talking to her telling her not to worry, she was going to tell our father what he did and her sister. She said , "don't worry they need to know what they have done to you." You will making it even I see that".
The anger in life had began to take it's toll on Loretta. She was mad at the world, and men. She began to drink, go to bars, and curse out men who would approach her. Her oldest sister was also drinking heavy, and they would get together to bar hope every weekend.Loretta was seventeen and was drinking in bar, she never was turned away,but once. It was because the owner was trying to ask her out. He kept following her all night. He was an elderly man, and a big turn off. He told her it was his bar, Loretta said,"and so", I don't give a fuck you old mother- fucker. He was mad and told her," I'm not going to be to many more of them motherfuckers". Loretta did not bite her tongue, she began saying," you a mother- fucker, a mother-fucker and another mother-fucker". He pulled his gun out and stuck it in Loretta's stomach her reply was, "just shoot me mother-fucker". He push Loretta out of the door, telling her don't come back. She fell down.said to him as she was getting up," fuck you and your bar, you old mother- fucker", and left. She was drunk, and did not care about anything. She and her bar buddies, would meet guys who would buy them drinks, thinking they were going to be with them, they would tell them they needed to go to the bathroom and sneek out of the bars. The one thing that was good was they went in groups, and would laugh at things the next day.
Loretta had a job working in housekeeping with her oldest sister, and the her sister she was living with was her sitter. It was all good on that part of her life. But the men at the hotels were just like those on the street. Men were a daily battle for Loretta, she knew she would never find love like she once had, and to guard herself, she was mean to men. She finally came to terms with that. She was not able to give her whole self to anyone. She could not tell a man she loved him. She would have relationships, but it was hard to tell a man she loved him, and to this day it is the same. Loretta could be with a man, marry a man, show them she care for them, do all the things a wife should, but she could walk away from a relationship like it was nothing. She would dress up in wigs and make-up to look older so she could be in the bars. She started seeing a man who was part owner of a bar, she was there everynight. He asked her to wait tables one night, but not to drink while working. She like making that extra money, the tips were very good. So she stopped focusing on men, and started thinking of making money by working. At one time she had three jobs. She had become a workaholic. She forgot about her relationship at the bar, when she found out he was married. She just walked away, and started seeing other guys, nothing serious because she worked. One night she invited a friend over to her apartment the friend bought pizza, and beer, the guy from the bar shows up. He came in asking her whats going on. She said ,"we broke up", he slapped her so hard, her wig flew off. Loretta was shocked. He told the friend he had better be gone by the time they got back. He shoved Loretta outside, into his car, Loretta asked where was he taking her. He said, " to the country to beat your ass". Loretta asked," what do you think your wife will say about that". He stopped the car, turned it around, took her home. The friend did leave he took the pizza, and beer with him. Loretta thought to herself, just wait til I see that little SOB. He was to scared to take up for me.
Loretta decided to just work, because that is what will hepl her working off her anger on a job. Even then there was problems at the work place, and she did not like the way men coming at her. She decided to work at a different job, she took a test, passed it, but was told she had to be married, and over seventeen. Loretta wanted that job, and asked could she just wear a wedding band, and tell people she was twenty. She was convencing, and got the job. she wore her wig, make-up, and her band. Working this job, she was able to buy a car. The guys that come to eat there were college students, and invited Loretta to some of their parties. She went and had fun.Some of them worked part-time at her job. She was helping them in the dish room one day, and they tryed to rape her on the dish machine. She beg them not to do this , and started to cry pleading with them. They let her go, and she stopped hanging around them after that. She never told anyone except her sister. She just wanted to keep her job. Things went good for a while, Loretta was feeling good and She never understood this question to this day. She was asked has she ever been with a white guy. She said jokingly, which she was always making jokes and having fun. Her answer was, "There is nothing a white guy can do for me but sign my check that I worked for". Everyone laughed, She thought nothing about it, until it was time to go home. The guy who asked the question was in the back seat laying on the floor of her car with his shirt off. Waiting for Loretta to get in the car. He didn't know she had riders to take home. All she could do was ask , "what the hell are you doing, and get the fuck out of my car". He looked at Loretta and said, "you never been with a white guy before, so I was going to show you what one can do". The ladies told the boss and he was fired. They asked Loretta what would she have done if she was by herself. She said, I would have drove his ass right to the police station up the street.
poem " Battles"
Battles seem to be a part of everyday life, but why is this so for we are human even though we, live, we breath, we work to survive. so why is it that respect can be denied. We struggle we hurt just as you do, so why do you feel we must follow your rule, and let you do , just what you feel. We are the same, walking, talking, feeling and we breath. One mate was the plan, for every man, and is the way that it should be. But in todays world there is to much greed. You use your muscle as you well please, it to will to fail as you will see. Viagra, is your cure so you can endure un-natural thing and this I'm sure. Stop before things go to far, and choose your mate, and please stay true, so you will not have the fate that others do.
