Loretta was doing fine, boyfriend found her another place to live, she was very happy. The place was nice and it was suitable. The apartment was in a house , with the landlady who was married, and their son who was sixteen. The apartment had it's own entrance door, but there was a door which leads into the house where they lived. That door was locked at all times. During this time people were going to hear Malcom x who was stopping by to speak in East Saint Louis. Loretta was not thinking about getting into any group. After Malcom x spoke the people began tell all soul brothers and soul sisters to put a sign in the windows so they know blacks lived there. Loretta put soul sister in her window, and the landlord did the same. They began setting thing on fire, homes, business, ( if it was owned by whites). Loretta had no fear about any of it. One night she was passing this house, and a young black woman holding her baby crying out side. They were bringing her things out, saying they was about to burn it down,because it was owned by a white man. Loretta felt sorry for her, but kept walking. This was during the early sixties and Loretta had no idea of why would people burn down their own neighborhoods, no matter who own anything. She never thought much about people being raciest. Her grandmother had a mixed son, she went to a segrgated school, and her neighbor hood was mixed with white. They ate , together, played together, and walked to school together. She never knew what the big deal was then and now.
Loretta went home and was tired. Her boyfriend had left. She went to bed. Early in the morning she felt someone in her bed. she thought it was her boyfriend, and she kissed him back without looking, when she opened her eye, and touched him she knew it was someone else. "Oh my God", she said, " what the hell are you in here for, and how did you get in her?" He act all calm saying he stole his moma's key to the door. Loretta told him to get the hell out before she call his mother and tell her what you did. As he was leaving , she told him if you ever open that door again she was going to have her boy friend beat the hell out of him. He had the nerve to say sorry. Loretta was very angry, and shaking so bad, she just cried, she did not understand why men and boys felt like a woman would be willing to just be with them in a blink of an eyes. She was just so tired of it. She did not let anyone know what happened because she felt it would not do any good. She just has to be strong, and look out for herself..
One fine day her and her boyfriend was walking to the store, and her oldest sister pulled up in a car. She jumped out telling Loretta the our father said it was time for Loretta to come home. He had sent them to get her, and if she refuse he will come himself, and make her walk back. Loretta did not want to leave. Her boyfriend told her to go, because her daddy could make trouble for him because she was a minor. He did not want to go back to jail. The tears began to flow. She would do anything for him. He made her a promise to follow her before long, and when he gets there they will be getting married. This was the hardest thing she had to face, leaving him. She did look foward to him coming to her hometown to be with her forever, what a day that would be. One or two months went by and he did not come. Loretta's husbands mother came by and said her son call her. He asked her to come by, and tell you that your man was dead. Those words could not sink in at that moment. She needed to go back there and talk to his friend to see what happened. Loretta found him at the bar, the minute she saw him she began to cry. He was holding her, he told her that her boyfriend was called by their friends mother to come and help them. Her daughters boyfriend was coming to kill them. Your boyfriend walked up on the porch , the mom shot through the door.killing him with a double barrel shot gun, thinking it was her daughter's boyfriend. Loretta sat there for a while before returning home, she felt like there was nothing there for her. She felt angry with the world, at that moment she changed. He ashed her if she wanted to go to his grave. She said no, it would be final to her if she did. She just wanted to believe it was not true.
Hate began to fill her heart, she really lost caring for people. She asked her sister what happened with those guys that took them? Her sister said she had to go to court, and they said Loretta was to young to testify, so she didn't come for me. The judge told the guys they will never see daylight and locked them up. She said she was beat so bad you would not have reconized her. Her sister said," hey lets go see our moma, she moved back". Loretta was wondering, if they were so worried about her especially her father, why has'nt he showed up. They went to her mother's house. Her mother was drinking, and her mother's boyfriend was there. She began to blame Loretta for what happened to her sister." Why would you blame me ? when I told her not to take that ride, and besides she is the oldest. I was following her, and was beat too. Oh but you would not care about that". Loretta was so upset. Her mother raised her hand to strike her. Loretta looked at her and told her mother, "You better not do that, you really don't know me. In Loretta's mind she was thinking, if this woman hit me, I'm going to hit her in the head with that beer on the table. Her sister told Loretta to shut up," Loretta told her she better tell her mother to shut up, and walked out of the door".
Poem " Anger"
Anger is a hard pill to swallow, it can build and build without a word, just because of all the things that hurt. What a funny way to go when anger just will not let you go. It seems that at every corner there comes something new to keep you down and keep you blue. I know it is hard to shake off, the way life is and some people too, will make you as hurt wounded animal it will make. You just have to keep pushing until the day life get better and anger subside, you will change deep inside. It may not come as soon as you would like, and there will be strife, try not to let it over take you to the point of ending your life, for one day the sun will shine, you just have to keep a sound mind.
