I'll Sing For Me

1.

I sighed heavily to myself as I tapped the pen against my work book. I hate these classes that I'm in without Steph. I feel more of a loner than usual. We may have walked to school together this morning, but I haven't seen her since.

Steph is my best friend. Well, she is my only friend, the only person I actually talk to. I came to this high school the start of last year after my family moved. Steph befriended me immediately and that was it. I'm shy. I don't interact well with other people. I'm socially awkward. I can't carry a conversation. But Steph just kept pushing me, asking questions, always smiling, it was annoying until I caved in. That's when I discovered we had similar interests, she was kind and very caring, despite not knowing the full history of me.

I haven't bothered making any more friends. I had managed to fly under the radar most of last year as the new girl. No one else really noticed me, just Steph. I was fine with that. I couldn't care less.

The less friends I have, the better for me. I don't want anyone knowing about my life, especially my home life.

School is my haven and I attend every day just to get out of my house. Yep, I'm the kind of kid that wishes there were no weekends. Don't even get me started on school holidays.

I keep my head down, I study hard and I'm quiet. I'm not popular, not like the bitch gang. I'm not outspoken either, I rather listen and observe, staying in the corner, hidden from all.

I'm not the pretty one either (well, according to Steph, I'm selling myself very short there). I have brown hair that's tinged with red when in the sun. I have large eyes, but they are a pretty green - the only thing about me that I think is 'pretty'. I wear pink glasses most of the time, due to my eyesight. I'm always dressed in leggings or jeans with a singlet and a flannel top. I wear a beanie most days too. My comfort however, are my black converse shoes. I always wear them, sun, rain or hail. It doesn't bother me about my shoe style because they go with jeans and leggings. I don't wear dresses or skirts, I don't dress girly, unlike Steph.

Steph is well known, however. She has the pretty blonde hair, the type of blonde that people pay hundreds for, that shines in the sun, that isn't too thick nor thin, it bounces everytime she moves. Steph has envious hair and I would envy her if I didn't know about all the products she uses to keep it healthy. She is also skinnier than me, athletic, she has bright amber eyes and a large smile. She is always in nice clothes. Clothes that a girl should wear to make her feel pretty and good about herself. Clothes that shows off curves and skin and not be so conscious about it.

Then there is school. We all wear the same blouse and dress shirts, buttoned at the front, white, dull. Our dark blue ties hung around our necks, our matching blue socks to our knees and we all have to wear black shoes, thankfully, my converse are black. The downfall of school uniforms. However, unlike every other female in this joint, they wear their skirts that is part of the uniform. I don't. I wear dark navy slacks. My blouse is a size too big, whereas Steph wears hers a size too small, flaunting her breasts, crushed in the shirt, wanting an escape. Her skirt is also sitting at the same length as most of the girls, short, short enough that one cannot bend over, they have to crouch or kneel down.

I keep my beanie most days at school, depending on the temperature and my hair always pulled back in a braid, a bun or a ponytail. I never let it out. I like to be plain as no one notices plain. No one picks plain. Everyone prefers anything rather than plain.

Steph is always flicking her hair, showing off, but I'm not jealous. She has the personality for it. She has many friends and many times I'm left wondering why is she friends with me. Why does she spend all her time with me?

But like I said, school was my haven.

Was.

Until during Christmas break, just after new years, I happened to see some people from school at the shopping centre. I was there with Steph and I tried my hardest to ignore it all, but they got to me. I don't even know how they knew me. I knew who they were and we do attend the same school, the only connection between them and me is Steph.