I'll Sing For Me

20.

I had managed to play in music class, not a single note left my mouth but I did catch myself several times humming.

After class, Dean offered me a lift home.

"I have to see Steph first." I told him, walking away from the car park.

"I'm dropping them off at Tommy's." Dean told me. I was still annoyed at my apparent best friend, telling the counsellor my problems. Shuffling my feet, I got to Dean's car where Tommy and Steph were making out.

As soon as they heard us,they pulled apart. "Beth, how was your day? Tommy told me you and Lisa had words." She asked me in concern.

I kept my face rigid. I was so angry. "Did you speak to the guidance counsellor?" I asked her in a blunt manner.

Steph was surprised by question. I held on to my bag strap, glaring at her.

"Uh, yeah. I'm really concerned about you."

"You didn't have to tell her everything!" I cried out. I kept in the same spot as Dean and Tommy looked at us both. Steph and I were a good four metres apart but I didn't step any closer.

"I, uh, I'm worried about you." She said softly to me.

"Then talk to me! Not behind my back, not to the staff! Fucking hell! Does the whole school know? Do they know of what happened? It's no one's business but mine!" I screamed at her, causing a few students to look at me. "It should be up to me to say anything. I didn't want anyone else to know! But you blabbed!" I felt the tears roll down my cheeks. I saw Steph was upset as well as she came to me.

"It wasn't like that, Beth." She cried out to me.

"I thought I was your friend. You were my best friend and you couldn't even keep a secret!" I snapped, turning on my heel and walking away.

"Beth!" Steph yelled and I heard someone running up to me.

"Leave me alone!" I was full on crying now. "I trusted you!"

Steph tried to take my hand but I snatched it out off her grip, stomping away.

I started to walk home but then stopped. I've been staying with Steph. I don't think I should continue with that. I definitely didn't want to go to my parents.

I only had two other options left. Stay on the streets or ring my aunt, my mother's sister. I haven't seen her in years as she cut ties with my mother years ago, but she did tell me I was always welcomed.

I know her phone number. I had it memorized from when I use to stare at it through some tough times. Making my way to the admin building in the school, I went inside, cleaning my face with my beanie.

The receptionist looked up at me and smiled, her eyebrows high, waiting for me to speak.

"Um, hi." I muttered. "I don't have a phone and was wondering if you can call someone to pick me up."

The lady's look softened then. "Of course, darl. Who would you like me to call and what's their number?"

I gave the lady my aunt's details and she was requesting for me to be picked up. After that quick conversation, the receptionist looked up at me. "Take a seat. Your aunt will be here soon."

****

I sat in my aunt's car, silently, staring out the front window.

"Are you going to talk?" She asked me softly, driving.

My aunt, Melanie, waited for me to speak.

"I had a fight." Was my quiet response.

Melanie hummed, expecting me to go on.

"With my best friend. Well, I thought she was." Then I told her everything that happened, but still vague on the situation.

Pulling the car to her house, we got out and I was still talking as we went inside.

"So, you told this Steph a secret and she told the guidance counsellor because this secret concerns your mental health and well being?" I heard the worried tone in her voice.

I nodded, exhaling hair from my lungs.

"But she told this counsellor because she is concerned about you and what might happen?"

Again, I nodded.

We were both silent for a minute. "What happened, darling?"

We made our way inside and I followed Mel, looking around myself.

Melanie doesn't have kids. She claims she is doing the economy a favour by not adding to the population. So the house we were in was small and cosy, very expensive furniture and definitely not kid safe.

"Was it my sister? Your father?" Now Melanie was very concerned. The way she looked at me, her eyes large. I could see her pleading with me for answers.

My breathing was shaky and I wanted to tell her but I didn't. I stayed quiet, sitting at the table, playing with my beanie in my hands.

"Does it involve a boy?" Melanie's tone changed and it was now slightly teasing me but I couldn't help it and smiled. "There is a boy involved?"

I groaned loudly. "Not like that. Like, he is a friend and his best friend is seeing my best friend. He helps, me."

"Does this boy know your secret?"

I quickly shook my head. "No. I don't think so. I don't know. Maybe. He hasn't said anything to me. He knows bits of it."

"You're losing me here, darl. What happened?"

I felt the tears come forward, blurring my vision. "Uh..." I didn't know where to start. Melanie made me a coffee and I wasn't keen on it, but I started to drink it anyway. Eventually, I told her.

Everything.

From years ago. From weeks ago. Talking to the police. Being bashed. Even, violated. She looked at me, shocked, her mouth open and I saw the anger in her eyes. I told her I was staying at Steph's house, how welcoming her and Ally were. How Dean and Tommy helped me.

Everything.

Melanie got up off her seat and went to a drawer in the kitchen, fumbling about. Then I saw her light up a cigarette and take a large breathe of it.

"Fuck." She whispered then looked at me. "Elizabeth. Why didnt you ring me sooner? No, thats not what I should say." Then Melanie came to me, wrapping her arms around me. "Are you okay? You poor soul."

I hugged Melanie back. I felt lighter teller her this. She was always the cool aunt that use to take me places, buy me expensive toys and clothes. Then I stopped seeing her.

"I knew I should have taken you away years ago. Your mum and I had a fall out, fighting over you and I was barred from seeing you." I felt Melanie stroke my hair. "I like your hair. It suits you. Kind of reminds me of a singer. Can't think of the name."

That made me giggle a little. Melanie sat next to me again, finishing her cigarette before dropping it in to her nearly empty coffee.

"So, this Steph. She sounds like she really cares for you."

"Then why did she tell the school counsellor this?"

"Because real friends worry. To find a friend that is concerned about your health, your wellbeing is a true gem, Bethie." Melanie continued. "I would have done the same thing. If the shoe was on the other foot, would you be as concerned?"

I gave my aunt a nod. "She is my only friend." I admitted. We were silent again. Steph did care. All the times I've interrupted her make out sessions with Tommy, she would go to me, ask how my day was, ask how I was. I looked back at my aunt. "Can I please borrow your phone?"