I'll Sing For Me

35.

When Steph and I got home from school on Monday, Ally was waiting for us. She was holding a letter and looked highly concerned.

Turns out, Isaac had a court case coming up and I was needed to give evidence.

Since then, I had been a shell. The letter took so long in the mail, the court case was the following day and I was a mess.

Ally had insisted on Steph to go to school but I couldn't. I wanted to. I wanted to be at school with Steph and Tommy and Dean.

I didn't want to face Isaac or his mother. I just wanted a normal life and I've been living it, but I didn't want my reality to catch up.

Steph gave me a long and hard cuddle before leaving the house and I envied her in her school clothes.

I pulled my hair back and threw on a nice blouse that Steph lent me over my singlet and did up my converses.

The drive to the court house was in the city and I was ignoring my phone. I could feel it vibrate in my hands, messages pouring in.

I looked at the sender but never opened the messages, leaving them unread.

Dean's fingers were working over time. He sent many questions such as am I okay and why wasn't I at school today and him complaining that Steph wasn't telling him or Tommy anything.

I wanted to answer them, but I didn't know where to start.

We sat in a room, Ally and I and she tried to keep my spirits up but I wasn't in the mood for any kind of chatter. I was however appreciative towards Ally for everything. She even let my aunt know about today.

The waiting was excruciating. Time ticked by so slowly.

I was hyperventilating by the time Melanie arrived and she held me tightly as I cried in to her.

"I don't want to face him. I want a normal life. I want to leave alone this behind." I sobbed out.

I didn't notice that someone else was in the room and he cleared his throat, diverting our attention to him.

He didn't say a word and nodded to the adults and they stood up, each one holding my hands and we went in to the room.

It was a court room. There were people in there, a judge, lawyers maybe? I don't know but I was so self conscious about myself.

Then I froze as I saw him, sneering at me. I held my breathe, looking in to his steel cold eyes. Isaac was handcuffed and sat behind a glass wall. Then I saw his mother, a look of disgust on her face. Yvonne was glaring at me, hatred in her eyes as I was led away from her.

The session went on for hours, it was all a hummed blur to me. I tried to listen but I was having many panic attacks and I couldn't focus. Being in the room, filled with strangers, Yvonne and Isaac staring at me, it was too much.

Then I was called up. I didn't want to, I had managed to stutter it out. I was petrified and I don't think I have the strength to do this.

Finally, after receiving a glass of water, I drank it all and in a low tone I managed to answer all the questions that I could.

"Lies!" Yvonne screamed, standing up and pointing to me. "My boy is a good boy. He doesn't do drugs. He would never rape anyone!" Yvonne went on her tirade and had to be escorted out off the room.

I dared myself to look at Isaac and saw the anger in his eyes. I knew I pissed him off and I knew I was going to have hell to pay, but I also knew that he will be put away for a long time.

The court went for a break and I stayed in the waiting room, drinking more water, trying to keep calm but inside of me, I was screaming, scratching at the walls for release.

After recess, someone else was called to the bench. Someone I didn't expect. Diane Goode. My guidance counsellor.

At first I was furious that she was telling them things I told her. But Melanie whispered to me that the more she said, the more will be put on Isaacs sentence.

"...Miss Hooper suffers from post traumatic stress disorder, from being injected with a drug against her will, from this man, forcing sexual relations with her against her consent. She is depressed and needs to seek more help beyond my area of expertise. She needs a psychologist." Diane told them in a stern voice.

The judge took in all the words, read all the evidence, looked at all the pictures provided. Everyone did. It was on the big screen.

The hearing was a private matter since I'm a juvenile and I felt so grateful for that. My name won't be on news channels or in the papers.

I looked at the photos of me. I was battered, bruised, broken and bleeding. I was unrecognizable.

Then a doctor took the stand and I tried to remember when I saw him. His face was so familiar.

"...Miss Elizabeth Hooper was my patient.  We had many tests done on her, including one for sexual transmission of disease. Blood work was taken and she was stitched where needed, medical attention. She was my teams priority."

"What did the blood work say?" Some one asked the doctor.

"Miss Hooper is clean. All tests came back negative."

I sighed in relief. I didn't want to deal with something so permanent as Hepatitis B, thank you government for that immunity in my needles back in grade seven.

I felt tears running down my face. My phone was still vibrating and I had it on that setting. Without thinking, I turned the phone off, keeping my glare on my hands in my lap.

The case went for five hours. The lawyers fighting, even Isaac resisted a couple times.

Then it was time for his verdict.

Upon hearing the judges words, I broke down. I was safe. I felt free. Isaac was sentenced to twelve years in jail.

My worries and my burdens were lifting off me, the invisible chain I had felt all day gone from my neck.

But I didn't celebrate. I didn't want to. Ally took me home where Stephanie was waiting and I cried in her arms. I broke down again but instead of sadness, it was happiness that was plaguing me. I felt something new inside of me. There were no restraints keeping me back.

I felt freedom.