I'll Sing For Me

49.

I returned home Sunday night, feeling slightly strange and different.

Proud could be a word for it.

We didn't have sex again since that first night and I didn't let on to Dean telling him I heard him say those three little words.

We mainly played with the guitars, watched movies and went for a drive, acting like we didn't have sex at all.

But we did speak about it. Dean knew I wasn't a virgin but he also knew it wasn't by choice, but I believed myself that I was due to the previous times weren't by my choice and this time it was. So I asked him Sunday because I had a feeling he wasn't either before Friday night.

"I mean, it doesn't bother me, your eighteen. I get it. I just don't want to know who with. Or how many." I mumbled to him. It was a topic that did make him uncomfortable.

"I'm not going to brag about it, Beth." Dean groaned.

"Oh, I know. It's not that. Sorry." I squeezed his hand again and smiled.

"It doesn't change things. It doesn't change how I feel about you." He added, making me feel better. "I know you have many triggers, Beth and I also know you are trying to beat them, shoving them away, conquer them as you say. I get that."

I sighed deeply. "I'm trying because I don't want you, my boyfriend, to feel like crap because I cringe at you touching me because the last person that did violated me. Then that makes me feel like shit and it reminds me that I'm spoiled goods. That I've been broken and damaged."

I saw the look of pity in Dean's face. "You are not broken or damaged. You're diffently not like spoiled goods." Dean placed a small kiss on the side of my lips. "I understand completely. I get it. You are perfect just the way you are. From your beanie-less head, your pink glasses down to those old black converse shoes."

I laughed at him, holding back the tears. We were sitting on a bench at the local park, facing the play gym for kids, the skate park behind us.

"I don't care what colour your hair is, or if you wear a flannel shirt every day. I don't care if you want to talk till the sun goes down and back up again, I'll be there for you, Beth. I always will be."

"Aw." I cooed out. "See, that kind of sappy shit. When you say that kind of stuff, it makes me like you even more. You sure know how to woe a girl." I teased, fanning my face.

"Well, actually, if I remember correctly, you said-"

"I know what I said." I snapped playfully at him. Dean chuckled and held me closer.

"I'm gonna go skate." Dean stood up and stretched then bent down and gave me a kiss and snatched up his skateboard. "Show these kids how to do it." Dean was referring to the twelve and thirteen year olds that we're trying to take over the skate park behind us.

"Break a leg." I grinned at him.

****

Sunday night I was dropped home.

After the hospital, that is.

My first words to Steph when I got in minutes after her were, "I told him to break a leg, but I didn't mean it literally. I meant it out of good intentions, like good luck. He broke his freaking arm!"

"How?" Steph placed her bag down on her bed and started to unpack it.

"Showing off to a bunch of kids at the skate park." I groaned as I sat down, helping Steph fold her clothes back up from her bag. "Urgh!" I rolled my eyes. "How was your weekend?"

"Honestly, not as bad as I thought it would be. Spent some time with my cousins and their friends. Met a few more relatives. My grandmother however, she is like a sweet little old lady one minute than a vulture the next. So, moody. Old age, I'm so glad I've got decades left till I'm that old."