The Deal * Seokmin x Joshua

Thirty two

"What do you want?" Soonyoung asked and Joshua cringed. "I was just hoping to talk to Seokmin. I want to apologise." "No way, no fucking way, he doesn't need this shit right now..." Soonyoung's hangover barely tempered his rage as he shifted from one foot to the other. "Please..." Joshua pleaded and he looked so sad, so pitiful with his messy hair and makeup steaked face, that Soonyoung almost gave in. "I thought he said to fuck off. Didn't you hear him the first time." An angry man, the shortest angriest man Soonyoung had ever seen, pushed him out the way and slammed the door closed in Joshua's face.

Soonyoung stared at him before his mouth dropped open and he realised who Seokmin's roommate was. "Oh, wow, Lee Jihoon," Soonyoung's hand went to smooth down his hair before realising he was shirtless. "I've never seen you up close Sir," he stammered out as he bowed low and the other began to scowl. "That fucker shows up again and you have my permission to punch him in the face again," Jihoon said and Soonyoung saluted him enthusiastically. "Yes Captain, I will definitely make sure he fucks off," he said and Jihoon finally cracked a smile before disappearing back into his room.

"Did he leave?" Seokmin asked as he huddled under his thick blanket. "Yes. You didn't tell me your roommate was Lee Jihoon." Soonyoung flopped onto the end of the bed and Seokmin looked at him curiously from his tiny peephole in the blankets. "Why would I?' "Why would you not? He's such an enigma, short and small, gorgeous and talented, such an ideal tsundere boyfriend just like a real life manga...." Soonyoung sighed and rolled over, kicking his legs in the air, "he's the only man I'd settle down for."

"Thanks for being a great friend," Seokmin said as he hid back under his covers. When Seungkwan and Hansol arrived a few minutes later, Soonyoung left the friends alone.

What else could he do?

Joshua stood and stared at the closed door in a daze before walking away. His head hung low and he wished desperately for a pair of sunglasses to hide his shameful face away from the world. He really didn't think Seokmin would have slept with Soonyoung, despite what it looked like, but if he did he wouldn't blame him. Soonyoung had been his goal all along.

He walked out of Seokmin's building and across the campus towards the grassed sports oval with his head pounding and his feet dragging. He saw Seokmin's friends, no longer his by assumption, in the distance and turned towards the café to avoid them. Jeonghan was standing outside on his break, coffee in one hand and cigarette in the other, and the blond man waved him over. "You look like shit," Jeonghan said and Joshua immediately crumbled into tears. "Shit," Jeonghan mumbled as he dropped his cigarette and pulled Joshua into his arms and let the boy cry into his shoulder.

"What were you thinking Joshua?" Jeonghan said softly as he stroked the sobbing boy's hair. "I wasn't.." Joshua stammered through his tears. "I-I just, they were all staring at me; I didn't want them to make fun of me. So I just took it and the rest is all a blur...." Jeonghan shook his head as he pulled Joshua out of his arms and looked at his puffy face and red eyes. "So you threw it all away because you didn't want Jaehyun to make fun of you? Seriously man, you have to get over this obsession with what people think of you. It's ruining your life." Joshua just swallowed thickly as he tried to supress his tears knowing Jeonghan was right. He didn't know why Jaehyun had such a strong effect on him and he didn't know how to break the hold the other man seemed to have.

"Wait here," Jeonghan, said as he walked into the café. He came out a few minutes later with a big cup filled with apple juice and crushed ice and when he handed it to him Joshua went to pieces again. He should be inside the café nursing a hangover, watching Seokmin groan and complain about his headache while he wrapped his perfect lips around the straw of a huge apple juice, not standing out here in the sun alone.

When he began to sniffle again Jeonghan exhaled, exasperated, and ran a hand through his hair. "Go home Joshua. Go home, shower, get yourself together. Then you can start to work out how you're going to fix this. Okay?" "Yeah okay," he said and smiled small and wan. "Thanks Jeonghan. I appreciate it."

When he finally made it home, he closed the door behind him and leaned against it. It was hard to believe less than 24 hours ago his life seemed so perfect. He wished he could go back in time to when he had Seokmin here taking up space, laughing loudly at the tv, helping him cook dinner or pretending to study when he was really watching Netflix. He dropped the empty juice cup next to the door on a table and put his keys and phone down with it. His phone was almost dead and he wanted it to die. Every notification was like a stab to the heart, a reminder of his betrayal, and the public nature of it. Seokmin must be so humiliated. And now everyone would know him as the poor guy who got cheated on in front of half the university at a stupid sleazy party. They never should have went.

When he caught his breath, he braved the next room. Seokmin's notes from his vocal class were still scattered across the table and an empty glass sat next to them on a coaster. Joshua left them where they were before facing the hardest place. The bedroom.

The closet door was half-open and Joshua pulled it aside. Hanging beside his shirts and jackets was a soft warm hoodie with a pair of sweatpants folded inside it over the hanger. There was also a white t-shirt and a pair of jeans and a soft looking flannel shirt. Joshua's hand reached out and swept across the fabric, imagining how nice it would be to hug Seokmin while he was wearing it, and his tears fell again.

He stepped under the steady stream of hot water, scalding enough to stream his skin pink, but no matter how much he scrubbed he still felt dirty. He washed his hair, scrubbed his nails, soaped his whole body before repeating the whole process again and again. Finally pure exhaustion won over and he stepped out of the shower wrapping himself in a thick towel. When he saw the small mark on his neck near his shoulder he dropped to his knees and vomited the apple juice into the toilet.

He hated Jaehyun but most of all he hated himself and how weak he was. He didn't deserve Seokmin. Seokmin deserved someone strong and virtuous and honourable. Someone he could be proud of.

He knew he didn't deserve it but he still wrapped himself in the soft flannel shirt Seokmin had left behind and let its scent sooth him into a fitful sleep like a lullaby. It wasn't Seokmin's arms but it was as close as he was going to get until he worked out how to fix this.