And The Words We Couldn't Speak

22

After our honeymoon, we almost instantly went back on the road. I was sitting on the bus, listening to Fall Out Boy's new album and writing in my new journal, when the door opened. Gerard stumbled slightly and closed the door behind him. He staggered over and plunked down on the couch. I stared at him for a minute.

"Are you okay?" I asked suspiciously.

"Yeah, "he exclaimed. "I am just find and candy."

"I think the expression is fine and dandy..."I muttered, watching him for a moment. He shrugged it off and I noticed that his eyes were glazed over. Then, it hit me. "Oh my god, you're drunk..."

"Well, aren't you the next Jane Goodall, "he laughed. I thought for a minute about that, but I decided that I probably didn't want to know.

"Why would you do that? You'd been clean for a long time..."I muttered more to myself that to him.

"Why does anyone do anything? Why did you marry my little brother? Why did he decide to pick you up that day? Why does the sun rise in the east and set in the west? Why was little orphan Annie adopted?" He slurred. I stared at him, trying to make sense of anything he just said. I just shrugged. "That's just how things are! I think that's what blows. Everything that happens is part of some master plan or some shit."

"What do you mean?" I asked quietly.

"Do you think it was just some coincidence that you and Mikey met? Look at you two now! You're married and will probably have a kid soon. You'll not only take my bassist, but my brother too..."He mumbled quietly. I tilted my head.

"I'm not going to take your brother from you, Gee..."I said quietly.

"He fucking loves you. Why you fucking love him is beyond me, but you do..."He said, throwing his hands in the air.

"Well, for starters, he doesn't drink whenever something is bothering him. He talks to me about it..."I whispered harshly.

"Yeah, Michael James Way is Mr. fucking Perfect, "he laughed bitterly.

"I didn't say he was perfect, Gerard, "I said quietly.

"You are, though, "he said with a sudden seriousness. "If he's not perfect, why are you with him?"

"He may not be perfect, "I said softly. "But, he's perfect for me... Why can't you just be happy for us?"

"Oh, it's not that I'm not happy for you... I just have a tendency to care about my own feelings. Sorry, it's a little habit of mine. I'm sorry about that, "he said, smoothing back a piece of his hair. I sighed and shook my head.

"I care about how you feel too, but I'm not going to leave him because of it... He is part of my life... I do care if you are hurt and upset, but I can't really help that..."I said quietly.

"I'm sorry..."He whispered. I moved to where I was sitting next to him. The smell of alcohol was so strong; I thought I would be sick. I grabbed his hand and rested my head on his shoulder. "I am indeed a total fuck up..."

"No, you're not. This is just one big mess, "I said, playing with his fingers. He sighed and I sat up. I moved the hair from his face. "You really do have beautiful eyes."

"Thank you, "he said quietly. I hugged him tightly.

"Please don't do this again... Talking gets you much farther than drinking will..."I whispered in his ear. He wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm so sorry... About everything, "he muttered. I knew he'd start crying, so I told him he should probably just go to bed and sleep it off before the others got back.

"I love you, Reese. I really do, "he said as he headed back. I just shook my head.

"I love you too, Gee, "I muttered.