And The Words We Couldn't Speak

13

I was sitting on the bunk I'd been put in. Since I messed up the plans, we had to leave around four in the morning and I wasn't awake, so Mikey put me in the bunk, which allowed me to sleep longer. I woke up around six, and had been sitting on the bed since then. The guys were all very forgiving, and they were all so loving. Frankie and Mikey and Bob and Ray were all asleep. Gerard was sitting in the front of the bus. I quietly climbed out of the bed, and walked to the front of the bus. Gerard had headphones in and a notebook in hand. I sat across from him, and after a couple minutes, he looked up.

"Oh, hey, "he said, smiling at me. I waved. "It's like seven." I nodded. He took his headphones out and looked at me. "So, I didn't get a chance to talk to you yesterday, after everything." I nodded slowly. "So, I know why you left... I just don't understand one thing." I raised a brow. "Why do you think it's your fault we're fighting?" I just shrugged. "Well, it's really not... I just wanted to let you know that I was worried about you. I mean, we've all grown to love you. You're like the yin to our yang. You're the cutest little thing. You're addictive like nicotine. You're sweet like sugar. You're bright like the sun." I put a hand up to stop him and grabbed a piece of paper and a marker.

Are you going to start singing? He laughed and shook his head.

"No, I won't. I was just making a point, "he said, laughing. He got up and moved to where he was sitting next to me. He grabbed my hands and the butterflies fluttered wildly. He played with my hands for a minute, before sighing. "Can I ask you something?" I nodded, curious as to what he wanted to know. "Would you hold it against me if I told you that you were beautiful?" I felt my face burn. I looked down at his hands holding mine. "You really are. I hope someone tells you that every day." I shook my head. He put his forehead against mine, and I looked into his eyes. He smiled at me.

"What the fuck..."A voice sounded from behind him. We both jumped up and turned to see who it was. Mikey stood there, running a hand through his hair.

"Mikey, look, nothing happened, "Gerard said, standing.

"Maybe not, but you sure as fuck wanted it to, "Mikey hissed. Gerard began walking over to him. "No, stay the fuck away from me!" He yelled. I jumped at the volume. Gerard looked at me and sighed.

"Mikey, look, calm down..."Gerard said in an attempt to keep his temper down. Mikey looked at me with hurt filled eyes.

"What about you? What the fuck? I thought you cared about me!" Mikey pleaded. I closed my eyes, knowing that I couldn't answer him if I tried.

"Mikey, that's not fucking fair, "Gerard muttered to him.

"No, what's not fucking fair? It's not fucking fair for me to fall in love and then, you go and fuck me over! You are a total dick! I fucking bail you out of prison after you fucking raped and killed that girl! I fucking take you to court and get you community service as opposed to actual fucking prison! I fucking defended you and I covered for you when Mom and Dad's booze went missing! I fucking had your back! I tried to help you through your addictions! I fucking went out and got you countless times after you and Pete got fucked up and he left you on your ass! And this is how you fucking repay me? You fuck up the only thing I really fucking care about?! And you, I thought you actually felt something for me!" He cried, pulling his hair. He took big, deep, rapid breaths.

"Mikey, you have to calm down..."Gerard said, reaching out to him.

"No! I won't fucking calm down!" He yelled. He went to hit his hand away, but he fell to the floor.

"Mikey, are you okay? Mikey, answer me! Mikey!" Gerard pleaded to him. I sat there in fear as Gerard called for someone to call for an ambulance. Phil stopped the bus, and when the ambulance came, they took Mikey. Phil followed the ambulance to the hospital. I sat on the couch in a ball. Ray and Bob both tried to talk to me, but I couldn't hear anything.

The whole conversation played back in my head. Gerard raped and killed somebody?