a lie she told in spring | ATEEZ ff

Chapter Twenty-Four

//it's me, not you.

"Did you see my notebook? I thought I left it on your desk."

"Yes, it was laying somewhere by the couch table. Quick question, did you see my black tie?", San peeked his head through the door while buttoning his white shirt. 

"I told you yesterday that I burnt it while pressing. Just wear the one eomma gave you!" San's apartment was a mess and the two of us were in too much of a rush to care. He was about to head to work and I had to go to my morning lessons. 

"The bus is about to arrive, hurry Kiku!" Instantly I rushed to the corridor, put my shoes on and ran with San to the bus stop. We nearly missed it but the bus driver seemed to be in a good mood that day. San had left the bus before me and when I reached my destination, I realized how cold it was. Rushing into the university, I was glad to acknowledge that winter break was starting at the end of this week. I made it just in time to my first lesson but during the presentation of my professor, my mind wandered off to the upcoming vacation. 

My stomach was growling when I entered the cafeteria, plus San was about to arrive from work as well. None of our friends knew exactly what was going on between San and me since we weren't officially dating yet. It wasn't like San and I hadn't talked about it, I was just a bit scared. Acknowledging him as my boyfriend means I can lose him, too. I was being delusional but that was just who I was. When I sat down with my tray, I was in a conversation with Hongjoong. Mid-talk, San texted me so I quickly got him a tray aswell. When I arrived back at the table, San had just arrived. Giving him his tray, I sat down.

 "So what are your plans for New Year's Eve?", Eunhee asked into the round. "One's for sure, Kiku's going to Perth and having the time of her life with Australian surfer boys!", Hongjoong exclaimed while nudging me. While trying to defend me, I quickly looked at San and saw that he clearly was unamused. "It's a family vacation, guys. And besides that, I'm really not interested in spending my vacation hoeing around." "Don't be like that, Kiku!", Yunho dragged my name before continuing. "We all know that you won't be able to keep your hands to yourself!" Yeosang agreed and I hadn't realized until now what reputation I already had between my friends' group. It was kinda sad. They kept going on and I kept trying to defend myself. What else was I supposed to do?  When the situation got out of control and San clearly had enough of it, he stood up, angrily took his tray and slammed the chair against the table before leaving. Everyone's gaze shifted towards him leaving the cafeteria and without bothering anyone, I quickly rushed after him.  I saw him walking out of the main doors and when I caught up to him, I turned him around. "San.", he didn't respond. "Hey, Sanie. Look at me." "No, Kiku. I don't want to look at you right now. Please leave.", it was really cold and San trying to walk past me made me really annoyed. "Hey, San. I'm not leaving you." I grabbed his face, trying to make him look at me but he grabbed my hands and put them away. I quickly hugged him as tightly as I could as he was trying to pull away. He sighed. "I wanted to stop them so badly, Kiku. Tell them to fuck off with their nasty jokes." I had pressed my head against his chest and I could hear his rapidly beating heart. "But I didn't. Why?" I let loose and he finally looked at me, hurt. "Why wouldn't you accept my love?" I could see that the mere jokes of our friends had hurt him so much and me indirectly rejecting him as my boyfriend. "Am I not enough?" his voice cracked and I could feel my heart had shattered. "No, no, no. Don't say that. You're more than enough. You're absolutely perfect in every way. The way you stand by my side after everything, the way you hug me when I cry, the way I feel safe around you. San, the problem is me not you. I'm a mess and I'm sorry that you had to fall in love with some like me. I never intended to hurt you." Tears made my vision blurry and while I let mine fall down, I wiped his with my thumbs away. "San." he rested his forehead against mine and our nose met. "I love you." "And I love you.", he looked away. "But I can't bere our friends any longer, deny my feelings for you nor keep my hands off you in front of our friends anymore." I carefully turned his head to me and there was a short pause. He put a stray hair strand of mine behind my ear. "Please, let me be yours." Going on my toes, I took his face into hands and placed my lips softly onto his. "Promise me you won't hurt me.", I whispered before he leaned in again. "You and I, I promise." So here we stood. On the campus of Seoul's Engineering University in the midst of a hundred students and the gawking eyes of our friends who had watched us from the cafeteria windows, kissing.