a lie she told in spring | ATEEZ ff

Chapter Twenty-Two

//disgust and anger

The wind was brushing through my hair as my feet were completely indulged by the cold water. I watched as the water of the stream flowed. My feet had become numb by the cold temperature but I didn't even care. All my worries were filled with one thing, rather one person. As I thought more about what he had said back there, I felt only more disgust and anger for my self rise up. How could a person be like this? I shook my head and sighed. It was around 2 am and I couldn't sleep after visiting eonnie, so I went out. San's sister's voice was still echoing through my head. "He is a very loyal person. I may haven't seen him in a while but for me, it seems like he hasn't changed." Another sigh left my lips as I still didn't know what to do. I had to clean up the mess I made. So I hit my head once before shaking it. Come on, Kiku. Think. San liked me for who I was right? Why was I even trying to make him jealous? I'm not sure if he still feels the same as before but feelings don't just change overnight, right? As I thought about how to change my miserable situation, I took a stone up from beside me.  At that moment I felt pain rush up my arm. Something had bitten me. Ow... I guess that's Karma for hurting San. Since the stone was still in my right hand, I stood up and threw it into the stream as hard as I could. I watched as the stone sank through the water surface as it hit me. I needed to change. If I was the one who fucked this up, I needed to change first. Lifting my head, I took a last glance at the stars as tears welled up. I was acting toxic towards him, some may think I was overreacting but the last few hours made me realize I really liked him and my behavior was bringing me only further away from him. I walked back to the guest house, took off my pullover and jumped into the bed as quietly as possible, not to wake up my roommates. I took a deep breath and saw the space between my thumb and wrist swelling up before closing my eyes.

Our get-together this late afternoon was very light-lifted. It was the last full-day here since we were heading back tomorrow. Everyone seemed fine but my heart felt heavy. I gave Yeosang and Wooyoung their hoodies back which confused them since they expected me to keep them forever. But with the excuse of no longer needing them and feeling bad for stealing their clothes, I had left them surprised this early morning. Instead of being seated beside Seonghwa or Hongjoong, I made myself comfortable on the ground right between Eunhee's feet and a cup of tea in my hand. I was wearing a light beige colored turtle-neck and a darker cardigan with mom jeans. We were short on money and did not have much money to try some cost-heavy activities on the island, so we had decided to go fishing and eat it afterward but as you may have expected, none of us was the greatest fisher so we were only left with four caught fishes, mainly by Jongho and the rest of the meat on the counter was bought at a local store on our way back home. "Since the kitchen isn't the largest, I think it would be better if only a few cook and the rest prepare the table and others can clean up later?", I asked into the groups and no one had anything against it. "I don't mind cooking, so I'll go prepare and anyone is free to keep me company.", I said as I lifted myself up and went into the kitchen. Taking my phone and putting on some music, I started to chop some vegetables and saw Haeryung had followed me with Yunho. Preparing the food went smoothly even though it consisted of mostly Yunho and Haeryung talking and her and me giving the taller boy instructions. As the day went on, I must say I did not once look into San's face. I just couldn't. Yunho was wearing a cute apron and I was about to post a picture of him on my Instagram when I held myself back. No, Kiku, we aren't doing that. The meat was in the oven and I as I looked around I saw that we had made quite a mess and as I slightly felt bad, I started to clean up a bit. 

"Woah, I really didn't know you could make food!", I heard San's voice as he exclaimed his thoughts towards Yunho. I did not turn around from the sink as I expected him to have entered the kitchen. "Well, it's all thanks to these two.", from the side I could see Yunho nudging at Haeryung as she started to chuckle. I opened the upper cabinets and was trying to store some plates and glasses. My hand started to sting and I accidentally dropped a glass, which caused it to shatter. Fuck. I started to hold my hand and quickly put it under the faucet and let cold water flow over it. Yunho was quick enough and brought a broom and they started to clean up the mess I had created. The mess I had created... Again, I had created a mess. Tears started to form under my eyes and I quickly blinked them away. Don't be a crybaby. At that moment I felt my hand get retrieved away from the water. I hissed at the pressure and tears of pain welled up again as I looked at the person next to me. He looked angry but after seeing my face he softened. "What the hell happened?" I kept quiet, so he repeated himself. Instead of answering his questions I mumbled. "I'm sorry..." "That's not what I am asking you... How did you hand swell up this much and why didn't you say anything?", as I looked away, he let loose of my hand and caressed my cheek and making me turn to him. "It's nothing, something bid me last night but I'm fine, I swear." "Last night?", he softly asked. "I couldn't sleep so I went out...", he slightly chuckled. "I thought I had heard something last night, so it was you." "Sanie", I locked my eyes with his. "I did not ever mean to hurt you." I did not expect him to do his next move. The hair strings that had made their way out of my ponytail where put behind my ear with one move and before I could even register he wiped my tears away, lifted my chin and placed soft kiss onto my lips. "I heard you gave all of your stolen hoodies back?", he sheepishly asked as I still was feeling relieved of his kiss. "oh, yes. You had a point and keeping them made a wrong impression, so...", I said while scratching the back of my neck with my other hand. "Don't worry, you can steal all of mine." he quickly pecked my lips before turning around drying my hands with a towel. Looking around, I saw that Yunho and Haeryung must have left, how embarrassing. San sat down on the counter and I leaned onto the kitchen wall looking at him. He was wearing a black pullover and grey sweatpants and his hair was looking extremely fluffy. He saw me checking him out and sheepishly smiled as I turned red. To save me from my embarrassment, the timer of my phone started to ring, signalizing that the food was done. As I was about to get the food out of the oven, San stopped me and told me to not unnecessary stress my hand. I left a soft kiss on his cheek and before I knew, everyone was gathering in the living room and we enjoyed the rest of the night with soju and games.

A/N

{ not proof-read }