I Don't Know

Chapter 6

A/N:  Here is another chapter and I hope you enjoy it.

Godt POV

UGH!!! That Bas is such a jerk! How dare he try to lecture me?

Granted, he was drunk off his butt, but I didn't do anything before he suddenly started yelling at me. Okay, to be technically correct, I don't know exactly what he said because he was so drunk that his words were slurred all together. Regardless, I could tell by the way he was standing and shaking his finger at me from time to time that he was lecturing me.

WHAT AN ASS!!!!

Now, I know why I'm mean to him. He pisses me off all the time. Grr...

After his friend left with Bas, I had to do something to improve my mood. However, I still didn't get much satisfaction from it. The girl was smoking hot and she knew what to do, but I just couldn't get my mind off what an ASS Bas was and when I wasn't thinking about him, I had images of BeeBee pop into my head.

No matter what I tried, I couldn't get myself completely into it. It was just like all the other one-night stands that I had. There wasn't anything special about it and I couldn't help but to feel guilty afterwards.

I turn towards the naked woman sleeping next to me and I sigh. What have done? Why do I let Bas get to me so much?

Well, I can say that there is something different this time as compared to the other one-night stands that I had last school year. Besides being guilty about betraying BeeBee, I'm pissed at Bas. I don't even know why I'm thinking of Bas at this time, but I am.

Why can't that woman be BeeBee?

Suddenly, I feel like throwing up. Why do I keep doing this? I should know by now that it doesn't help, but I keep doing it.

I don't even remember her name.

My eyes watch as her hand slides closer to me. However, I don't want her to touch me again. Just the thought of her trying to caress me makes me want to hurl and my skin crawl. Ugh.

Before her hand can find me, I quietly slide off the bed and I head to the bathroom. I need to get rid of any evidence of her from me. I don't want any part of her to remain on me.

I walk to the bathroom and I go through my normal routine which is to scrub myself almost raw trying to get rid of every little speck of whoever I was with. In addition, I can't stop thinking about BeeBee and how I should have handled that different. Maybe if I could have been stronger, I would have him next to me by now.

I wonder where he is now. If I get to see him again, I won't let him go this time. No. I will make him mine no matter what others say.

I don't waste any time when I'm done in the shower. As soon as I'm dry, I grab my clothes and get dress. I don't leave a note or anything before I leave the hotel room. I don't want to give her hope. This is sex and nothing else. There won't be another time.

I make sure to stop at the front desk and pay for the room, but I also make sure that the staff knows not to give the woman any information about me. When the staff verifies that they won't give out any of my information, I head out of the building to my car.

I need to get to my dorm room and get this behind me.

As soon as I'm back in my dorm room, I collapse on my bed. Even though I want sleep to come, it doesn't. My mind won't stop thinking of BeeBee and my guilt continues to build. Once again, I've betrayed him. Why do I keep doing that? Well, I know why, but the better question is why I let myself do that.