Love The Game: Overtime

Chapter 24

It's been three days since Sara left. She's been back a couple of times to pick up clothes. I didn't actually see her though, and she didn't see me. I don't think she knew I was here or not when she stopped by because every time she came I was supposed to be in class. I haven't gone to class. I haven't done anything really. Every morning when I wake up everything hurts. My body physically hurts. I think my muscles are going to start atrophying. I don't know how any of this happened. I found out that as soon as I saw Alex in the hallway she called Sara and told her what she saw. Alex was the one who told me this. For some reason she doesn't hate me. She even keeps checking in on me. I don't ever reply but the gesture is still nice. She also told me that Sara is staying with Presley. She was going to stay with Alex but she didn't want to risk running into Callie. I don't hate Alex. I don't resent her. I don't blame her for telling Sara. If it were me I probably would have done the exact same thing.

I've been in bed for the past 3 days. Today is Thursday and I still haven't gone to class. I emailed all my teachers and coach Bennet that I'm sick and couldn't come in. They just said okay and that I would have to make up the assignments or that I could get the notes from someone. I don't really care though. I've been staring up at my ceiling for hours. I've gotten up a few times. Mostly just to shower because I hate that feeling of when you've laid in bed too long. I haven't really eaten. I'm just not hungry. I turned over on my side and faced the wall. I pulled the blanket up to over my head and closed my eyes. The only time I can turn my brain off is when I'm asleep. Because if I'm asleep I'm not thinking. If I'm asleep it doesn't hurt as much. At least that's when I'm not dreaming. When I'm dreaming it's a nightmare. It's always the same dream over and over.

I'm sitting on our couch in the living room. I have no idea how I got there or how long I've been there. Then Sara comes into the room crying. Tears are falling down her face and it breaks my heart. She sits on the couch. She starts talking, trying to tell me something, but I can't hear. I can't hear what she's saying. I start trying to talk. Trying to tell her I can't hear her. She then gives me this look. This horrible devastating look. It breaks everything inside of me. I stand up and I start to run. I start running down our hallway and out the door, except when I run out of the door I end up in the old high school gym. There's no one there. There are no stands. Just an empty gym. I start to try to find a way out. All the doors are locked. Finally, I'm pulling on the door I came in through but it won't open. Then the room starts to get smaller, and I stop breathing, and that's how I wake up. But I always go back to sleep. Because at least when I'm dreaming I'm not in the real nightmare that I've caused.

When I woke up again it wasn't because of the dream, it was because I heard my phone start going off. It was an alarm I had set telling me that I have an in-class assignment due tomorrow for History. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and turned the alarm off, then looked at the time. It's 5 in the afternoon. I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair. It was starting to feel gross, so I got out of bed to take a shower. I left my phone on the nightstand where it had been for the past few days. I have the ringer off, I turned off all notifications, but I saw that I had a ton of snapchats. Probably because I lost all my streaks with everyone. Other than that, I haven't checked it or opened it except to see the updates from Alex. I haven't even used it to turn on music. I just want silence.

I went into the bathroom and turned on the water for the shower. I looked at myself in the mirror. Three days of lying in bed barely and eating has really done a number. My arms don't look as defined. My stomach looks flat, my abs aren't even really there. My naturally straight hair has been waving. It looks like I have curly hair. Almost as curly as Sara's. Her hair is beautiful. So is she. Because she's absolutely perfect. I see one tear fall down my face. I wipe it. I have nothing to cry over. This is my fault. I deserve this. I fucked up.