Bloom//ksj (paused)

Paranoia

I am Park Sungmin.

I don't know if I am actually devastated or not but, these visions i keep having always makes me afraid to fall asleep.

I haven't slept for 2 days.

And I feel so paranoid. It feels like whenever I am going to sleep I am going to experience something terrible.

I don't feel safe. I don't feel good too.

My paranoia self made me walk to school without a blazer. Resulting some stares at me. It is not so cold but not comfortable weather either.

Gosh, stop staring at me...

I hate it when people give me attention. I have lived my life in hidden. I have always been hideous.

I feel so unsure about my life. Who on the earth gets out without applying a decent amount of makeup? Yes, you guessed right.

This clown, right here.

Habitually, I pointed my hand twirling to myself. Resulting? Stares. Odd, Unusual stares.

I'm gonna dig a 6 feet hole and gonna abide by there. I'm such a embarrassment.

I ran to school.

Time. Something I was not so friendly with. I had a rivalry with time. I never went on time. Not in school, not in dates, not in meetings. Nowhere.

Either I was super early. Or, Super Late.

And right now, I'm super early.

I realised this standing infront of our class. Not a single person is here.

I put my schoolbag in the chair. I went exploring the whole classroom. Exploring each corner. The almost-erased-doodles on the walls. The dusts residing on the window pane.

The slight sunrays coming through the glasses made me feel safe. Anything beautiful and significant thing, made me feel safe.

I saw some leftover books and copies resting on the teachers table.

The copies, I examine them. One of them belongs to him.

I curiously turn the pages. His handwriting is really neat and beautiful. Almost reminding of my brother.

Brother.

Someone whom I looked upon while growing. Someone I admired. Someone I smiled with.

Someone I lost quickly.

He was really weak person. But he was nice.

Really Nice.