I choose me.

Part 2: The memories...

FOURTEEN YEARS PRIOR

"What in the hell is all this screaming?" The social worker on duty burst into Olivia's room, eyes wide, "Oh no."

Olivia was bent over the bed, crying with intense contractions, Benny was holding her hand, his eyes wide with fear.

"We have to go." Olivia cried, squeezing his hand.

"You are in labor?" Rage filled her shocked face, "I didn't even know you were pregnant!" Olivia was tall and slender, her belly hadn't popped straight out, she carried all over, so big jackets and sweatshirts mixed with constant morning sickness had kept it easy to hide. "Benjamin? Good Lord!" She looked up to the ceiling as if it would give her the answers she needed. "How long has this been going on?"

"Right after dinner, she pee'd herself and then said her stomach was hurting." The social worker's eyes got even bigger.

"She didn't pee herself, her water broke—oh my." She stepped out into the hallway and grabbed the phone.

"We are keeping the baby." Olivia grunted, sweat was dripping off her pale chin.

"The hell you are, you two are barely thirteen-fourteen years old! You thought you pee'd yourself for heaven's sake. You are a ward of the state and I'm legally your guardian and I say your baby is going up for adoption." She pushed the buttons on the phone. Olivia collapsed on the bed, crying, feeling scared and hopeless.

"Benny." She cried, he had kissed her burning forehead "We have to go Benny."

Within minutes someone else showed up to mind the house and they helped Olivia to the car, and then into the hospital. "You can't take my baby." She cried while Benny helped her change into a crinkly hospital gown.

"Look Olivia," The social worker took her hand. "It's hard to see now, but you can't give this baby a life, it'll go to a family that wants it. You're too young."

"I want it." She flung her hand away from the cold woman and screamed through another contraction. She sighed and went back to filling out paperwork.

"Benny" She pulled him close and looked in his scared eyes.

"I'm sorry." He said, "I'm sorry I did this to you." He kissed her hand.

"I'm not." She sobbed, "I love you, and this baby came from our love and now they're gonna take him and we can't do anything about it." He stroked her sweaty hair.

"I know." He knew the social worker was right, but was smart enough to know that that wasn't what Olivia needed to hear right now. If she wanted this baby, then he wanted this baby. The worker spent the early hours going in and out, phone call after phone call, paperwork and more paperwork while Olivia progressed slowly. Finally the doctor gave her a mild sedative so she could rest between contractions.

"The boys and girls are on opposite sides of the building, we have a guy in the office all night." She yawned.

"Hector is fat and lazy and sleeps the whole time. She can't sleep without me. Nightmares, I've been sneaking in there every night for years." He kissed her hand again.

"I'm looking out for all your best interests Benjamin, you are just babies—"

He didn't respond, the sedative wore off and nearly twenty-four hours after her water broke, she felt like she was dying, the doctor came in an checked her.

"Okay Olivia, lets deliver this baby."

"GET OUT!" She shouted at the social worker, who looked shocked, but scooted to the door.

"I can already see the head." The doctor said. Eight pushes and a cry, she looked at Benny, who was looking at the gooey baby with an expression no words could convey, tears were running down his face. The doctor gave the baby to the nurses and Olivia lay back, so tired. "Benny, I want to—is it a girl or a boy?" The nurse brought the wrinkled bundle over and it had a pink hat on it's head. She reached out and held her baby against her chest. Her lips were pink and plump, her slightly swollen eyes were tightly shut. "A girl Benny" She sobbed and kissed her angel, such soft skin. Benny sat on the bed and held her, holding the baby.

The bliss was short lived though. In less than thirty minutes a team of workers showed up and Olivia's grip tightened slightly on her daughter.

"No, I need more time." Benny stood between them and the group of people. Their house social worker looked worried. "The longer we wait the harder it will be Olivia, give me the baby." She held her hands out but Olivia recoiled further into the bed, looking down at the miracle that had just come out of her body.

"Please, just give us more time." Benny said through gritted teeth. The social worker took a step forward and Benny half jumped at her, taking a fighting stance.

"Benjamin, don't do this."

"She wants more time and I'll give her whatever she wants." He warned. Two uniformed policemen then came in. "Son, step aside." They said firmly.

"No." He yelled, they came toward him and he went into a frenzy, throwing punches and eventually they both dragged him out of the room, the social worker approached Olivia, who was silently crying.

"I'm sorry dear." She gently pulled the baby out of her arms, and like that they vanished. They ended up doping her two separate times because she couldn't calm down. She was released the next day, her and Benny rode quietly, huddled together in the backseat. Never knowing a single thing about their baby, never seeing a picture, nothing.

"Livvy, where'd you go?" He gently squeezed her hip, she shook her head.

"Remembering things I shouldn't be remembering is all. I gotta bench." Things really picked up between seven and eight, then it was just a few regulars, she liked to bench press at night and Benny spotted her when Mulligan wasn't there. She struggled through the whole session, her mind was elsewhere and Benny ended up calling it a night for her. She sat on the ground, covered in sweat, leaned up against the bench.

"Fourteen years and you think it'd get easier." He took her hand and kissed it.

"She's probably doing amazing, with a good family, better than two punks from Southie could have done."

Olivia agreed with him, "I'm tired." They had never told anyone, they'd hid it from Mulligan too and the social service system never spoke about it again.