I choose me.

Part 43: Maybe it's fate

"Nooo!" She moaned into her pillow, sickening pulses pounded in her head and stomach, her brain throbbed and she sat up. Benny was sitting at the end of the bed with his hand under his chin, staring at her.

"What time is it?" She croaked, he looked at his phone.

"Three in the afternoon." It was hard to meet his gaze, she was so ashamed. She stared at his chest for a while.

"You said some messed up shit." He finally spoke.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so confused and—"

"You're punishing everyone. You're punishing me for things that I never did, feelings I haven't felt, things I don't know." She closed her eyes and rubbed her thundering temples. "I'm sorry." She said again.

"I need to know if you're gonna wake up and run this gym with me, or if I need to send you to the looney bin, or what the hell Livvy." He cracked all his tattooed knuckles.

Maybe this was her second chance to save Benny from the devastation she caused him before. Maybe it was just a crazy dream. Maybe her fate was stuck in the South of Boston. Maybe there was no magic in the ocean for her, no elaborate vacations and photo shoots, no crazy old lady landlord, no love and passion between her and Crawford Wallace, no Susan, Tyree, Jay or Tammy. No sweet Oliver to be by her side all the time. She was a parentless thug of the street, and that was who she was meant to be. So she closed her memories, tucked the loss and heartache away, and let the final tears fall down her face, then she opened her eyes.

"I'll run the gym, I'll beg Mulligan for forgiveness, and I hope you'll forgive me. All the foolishness is gone." She held out her hand, he took it and came up on the bed next to her. She hugged him tight and held his head in her hands.

"I'm sorry, you're the only person who loves me enough, and I love you." She whispered in his ear. His hands rubbed up and down her bare back.

"Me and you, like it's always been right?" He leaned his forehead against hers, like they'd done so many times before.

"Me and you." She said, "I'm going to take a shower and then I'll be down." He kissed her forehead. "There's some burritos on the counter." Once he left she began to shake, and took a boiling hot shower, her shorter hair felt so strange and light, she missed the length.

Olivia dressed in her old black maxi and tucked her new hair up and out of the way, then chugged one glass of water after the other, the burritos were just refried beans and nutritional yeast in a tortilla, but he tried. She ate one and went downstairs. He was already in the ring training someone and PJ was at the counter.

"You look horrible boss!" The teenager said.

"Thanks!" She said with fake gusto. "I'm going to Mulligan's, I'll be back." The sun was blinding to her hungover eyes, even with sunglasses. When she pushed into the pub one of the owners stopped her at the door, he looked like a leprechaun, but dressed in all black. "He don't want to see you Olivia." He said sternly. She couldn't believe it.

"He's banning me from a bar?" She asked, peering around, he was sitting at the bar, his back to her.

"You're not welcome here right now." The little man said with finality.

"Mulligan, I'm sorry." She said over the leprechaun's head, but he pushed her out so she went back to the gym, gravity felt heavier as she took the few steps around the counter and took her place at the gym, in life.

It took a week of begging before Mulligan would even see her, and another week of begging before he let the water go under the bridge and train her again. And so it went. Life went on as it had always been, they got up at 4:45, mixed their drinks, sparred and fought, then cleaned up and opened the gym, each would train in their sport at some point, then clean and close the gym. She fulfilled her basic PureSide obligations and spent time at the foster home, Olivia had to constantly push back the cornered feeling, stop herself from running, constantly had to push back the memories of her life un-lived.