I choose me.

Part 27: Life as it lightens

The ripped corner of binder paper felt like a twenty pound dumbbell in her hand. She was sitting outside, around the corner of Anytime on her first break. Selma Corelli. Selma. She took a deep breath and dialed the number.

"Selma Corelli's office, how may I help you?"

"I—uh, I need to make an appointment." She managed.

"Are you a current patient?"

"No, new."

There was a bunch of clicking of computer keys.

"Okay, looks like we have a cancellation at ten on Thursday of this week, will that work?" She gave her her information and agreed to go in early to fill out paperwork, then she forced herself to drink the protein shake made with coconut cream Crawford had packed her, he was really pushing all the fat on her.

On lunch break at four, she pulled out her phone and was surprised to see a missed FaceTime call from Benny, the break room was empty, so she fixed her wild ponytail and hit the return call button. Her heart thudded louder with every ring. Once he answered and the call connected, she could see he was at his gym, she sucked in a breath, he looked healthy and bright, so handsome, his worried eyes narrowed. "Livvy." She wondered if he'd ever look at her again without hate and hurt.

"Hi Benny, I saw a missed call, unexpected." Stay strong. You will not fall.

He rubbed his shaved head, "Well Brucey talked to Kevin and Kevin talked to me."

"Right." She said, the gym.

"Why are you giving the gym to me?" He put the phone closer to his face and she felt like he was staring straight into her heart.

"It needs someone, it's going downhill."

"You, it needs you. It's your gym." He said.

"It was our gym, but it's not. I need to let it go, I'm not coming back, you can build it back up." he stared at her through the screen, contemplating.

"I mean I'll take it—but I don't think it's the right decision. You were always the heart behind everything."

She sighed, "You were my—you're the heart. I want Kiki to stay upstairs, she'll pay you rent, it's not much, but it's something." Benny shook his head.

"Livvy, you don't have to do this, give it time."

"No." She said adamantly. "I don't really have time. I gotta let it go, let go of a lot of things. I'm okay with it. I know you'll do great."

"Okay then." The angle changed as he stood up. "Are you okay now? There was a lot of talk going on when you wouldn't talk to a-anyone." She looked away from the screen.

"I uh—I'm trying."

"I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how, things are too messy." He said, changing the direction of the conversation.

"I'm happy for you." She was, way down deep, underneath the bitterness and pain. "I always knew you'd be a good dad." She tried to hold her trembling smile. "Boy or girl?"

"Girl." He said sadly, dagger to the heart. "Livvy—this—I know what-"

She took another deep breath, "Don't explain anything to me, you're gonna do so good. Any paperwork, just send it to Andrew and I'll sign whatever."

He looked like he wanted to say more, but he didn't.

"Okay."

"Okay bye."